


Local Roleplayers Almost Murder God, Does Murder Deadbeat Father However

by RyDyKG



Series: Fanning the Flames (KHR x MCYT Crossovers) [2]
Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Canon Timeline, Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, Daily Life Arc (Katekyou Hitman Reborn!), Dream Smp, Dying Will Flames (Katekyou Hitman Reborn!), Fluff, Fluff and Humor, For some khr characters so the dream smp characters can fit in, Gen, Genderbending, I’m back and I’m so sorry, Mafia Land, Naminori, Not Canon Compliant, Powerful Dream SMP Characters, Rated T for all the swearing in here, Reborn is vibing and thriving in the chaos, Swearing, Varia Arc (Katekyou Hitman Reborn!), back on my khr crossover shit babeyyy, just much much faster, this is a crack fic let me have this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27520738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyDyKG/pseuds/RyDyKG
Summary: After all the wars, the Dream SMP’s server needed time to heal. Which left everyone in the server bored out of their minds. And that was when Dream had the ‘perfect’ idea.They all thought they would only be in the ‘other world’ for a few hours. As it turned out, that was very much not the case.(This was written before November 16th so some characters won’t be in here.)
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Floris | Fundy, Everyone & Everyone, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Niki | Nihachu & Wilbur Soot
Series: Fanning the Flames (KHR x MCYT Crossovers) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2159595
Comments: 162
Kudos: 289





	1. Character Set-Up

**Author's Note:**

> back on my khr shit babey! no romance between any characters other than some jokes n stuff. I was physically unable to not put every single member of the Dream SMP into here soooo
> 
> this is crack. just crack. I genderbent some canon khr characters to fit the dream smp characters. I’m not saying body dysphoria doesn’t deserve to be written about but this is a crack fic and I,,,,,, can’t write it properly I’m so sorry-
> 
> this is also a dream smp au where philza minecraft was added to the dream smp. I am manifesting him being added please-
> 
> also had to age up some characters,,, haha anyway here you go

When Sawada Tsunayoshi unlocked his Flames, it sent a shockwave through a group of individuals’ minds. Though their bonds hadn’t been created yet, it was inevitable that it would; it was set in fate, after all. And so when a group of friends transmigrated, they all got their memories at the same time.

Memories were unlocked, friends and foes remembered, and oh, that’s how they ended up here.

Sawada Tsunayoshi closed his eyes, and Wilbur Soot opened them.

And so when the first thing he saw was a baby with a gun aimed at him, he promptly knocked that child the _fuck_ out, no further questions asked.

Then, he took out the communicator in his pocket, and put in a few numbers, before creating a group chat, and sending one important message in.

 **e-boy** : Naminori, Japan. get here right now you little motherfuckers; we’re gonna fuck shit up

If anyone were to ask who started this, everyone would point to Dream.

In his defence, it seemed like the logical solution. True, all of them had forgiven each other, even if all it took was a bunch of stabbing and murder, but their land was very much dead. Not even Dream with his admin powers could heal the world. No, it had to heal itself.

But what would they do in the meantime?

Which was then Dream had the ‘perfect’ idea of trying something out. While they all took temporary residence at Pogtopia, he and a few others worked on coding his idea, until it finally happened.

“This will allow us to temporarily ‘transmigrate’,” he showed everyone proudly. “And in the meantime, the world will heal and repair itself. It won’t be bad, I promise. We’ll get the memories of our alternate selves, too!”

He managed to convince everyone, and they sat together as he activated the code, and all of them proceeded to black out.

And that was why, when Yamamoto Takeshi was in the middle of jogging, he suddenly tripped, and Dream pushed himself up with a groan. A smile pulled at his lips, as he opened up his communicator and saw the text from Wilbur, as well as the location showing, he let out a laugh, before standing back up and jogging over to the Sawada residence, where he knew Wilbur would be waiting.

People paused and started as Kurokawa Haru and Sasagawa Kyoto stopped walking, before looking at each other and bursting into loud, uncontrolled laughter. Then, they continued staring as Haru took out her communicator as Kyoto peeked over her shoulder, before the two of them started laughing once more as Haru pulled Kyoto’s arm and they ran in the direction they came from.

Shopkeepers and street side walkers all shook their heads and continued on. They didn’t want to know what the two boys were up to, anyways.

On the other end, Tommy cackled as he pulled Tubbo along as they ran. Behind him, Tubbo was also laughing.

“Oh man,” the older wheezed. “Wilbur’s gonna be so mad. His guy had a crush on mine!”

“Oh this must be so awkward for him, this must be so awkward,” Tommy wheezed.

When Hibari Kyouya was napping on the school rooftop, everyone knew not to disturb him, under fear of getting beaten up.

Hibari Kyouya closed his eyes, and Technoblade opened them up. He blinked at the yellow bird nestled on his stomach, before sighing and sitting up, carefully making sure Hibird wasn’t harmed.

There was a buzz coming from his pocket. He took out his communicator, and when he read what Wilbur sent, he couldn’t help but let a snicker escape him.

He let out a yawn as he stood up, before proceeding to head downstairs, where he would head to the Sawada household.

Unbeknownst to him, the rest of Naminori’s school was gaping as he walked past, with only one thought in their minds.

‘Was Hibari Kyouya…… smiling?’

Sasagawa Ryouhei blinked as memories came rushing back, but it was only a half a second’s pause that he took before Phil immediately kicked one of the boy’s stomach, before knocking all of them out.

“Well, that was easy,” he cracked his knuckles.

He sighed in mild exhaustion, before proceeding to pick up all the bodies and hide them behind a dumpster. When he was done, he checked his communicator, and barked out a laugh at the message Wilbur sent.

He made sure that the dumpsters hid the bodies well, before humming as he walked out of the abandoned building, and towards where he knew Wilbur would be at.

Blanche and Gokudera Hanabi stumbled back from each other, only to blink as memories came rushing back.

Niki giggled softly as she looked around their surroundings. “I guess we’re lucky we weren’t outside, or this would’ve been bad.”

Bad nodded, relaxing. “I can’t believe we’re siblings,” he said. “This world’s me wasn't good to you, was he?”

“No, but you’re not him, and I’m not her,” Niki laughed, taking out her communicator. “Oh, I just got a notification from Will.”

“Did he say where we had to go?” Bad asked. “Because I don’t think we can stay a night in this apartment.”

“Yeah,” Niki brightened up. “We have to go to Naminori, Japan. That sounds like a nice place.”

“I hope Skeppy’s there already,” Bad said absentmindedly as he helped Niki pack up whatever stuff she had. “I kinda miss him.”

Belphegor paused before his knife went into the table. He almost fell over, memories coming back quickly. Then, he started laughing.

The poor servants who coincidentally were walking past his bedroom all shivered, speeding up their walking so as to not be under the knife of him. Unbeknownst to them, he was laughing for a different reason.

Skeppy wiped his tears from laughing away, a grin on his face. “Oh man, I can’t wait to tell Bad,” he whispered, before whipping out his communicator, and snickering at the message Wilbur sent.

Humming, he walked out of the room, one hand idly spinning a knife.

What were the prices for a flight to Japan from Italy again?

Mukuro, Chrome, Ken, Chikusa and Emmem all startled minutely, but their faces never betrayed their true emotions as they continued eating the food they had.

Once Chrome swallowed her food, Alyssa hummed. “Well I wasn’t expecting this.”

“I think this is a good change of pace for us,” Callahan snickered, taking off his glasses that Chikusa had. He didn’t need it anyway. “We get to be badass for once!”

“We were badass before, and we still are,” Sam chided gently, inspecting his clarinet curiously. “Just because we barely participated in the wars doesn’t mean we aren’t good at fighting.”

“Is this what it feels like to be TommyInnit?” Punz wondered as he picked up his trident. Ponk nearly spit out his Snickers, just barely managing to hold it in as he wheezed. Callahan, Sam and Alyssa also laughed loudly.

“We have his main character energy now!” Callahan cheered. 

“Finally,” Ponk muttered jokingly. “It was about time we all got a chance to shine.”

“Alright, pack up boys,” Alyssa stood up, her communicator held in one hand. “We’re heading to Japan. Wilbur’s gathering all of us at his house now.”

Basil and Fran, who had met each other coincidentally in a bar, rubbed their eyes as memories started to return, and they returned fast. Fran reached up to touch their frog hat, and grimaced.

“Even in this world I’m a furry? What the fuck?” Fundy complained as Eret struggled not to burst out laughing.

“If it helps, I’m still manipulated in this world too,” Eret offered.

“Oh,” Fundy sighed. “Sucks for the both of us, man.”

“Amen,” Eret took out his communicator, blinking at the message Wilbur sent. “Oh, looks like we’re heading to Japan.”

“Where in Japan exactly,” Fundy asked, peeking over his shoulder. “Oh nevermind, got it. Shall we?”

“We shall,” Eret smiled, standing up and leading the way, Fundy following close behind.

Miura Hatsu let out a yawn as he slumped on her chair, the homework in front of him a menacing presence. His eyes fluttered, and his head fell down to take a ‘short’ nap. Then, he suddenly jerked awake and alert, almost sweeping his homework off the table in a panic.

Karl blinked. “Oh,” he looked at the homework in front of him. “Oh.”

There was an alert coming from his communicator, so he reached to pick it up and check. He let out a short wheeze at Wilbur’s choice of words, shaking his head lightly.

“Ahh,” he checked the time. “I think my parents in this world should still be out. I’ll leave a note, I guess.”

He quickly scribbled a note on a sticky note, before running downstairs and pasting it on the coffee table. Without wasting any more time, Karl hopped onto the bicycle parked outside the house and began cycling to the Sawada household.

Shoichi fell forwards as Spanner crashed into him, everyone else walking past the two boys on the floor. For said two boys, however, things were a little different.

George groaned, reaching up to push back up his glasses. “You’re a dickwad, Sapnap,” he scowled.

“Says you, Gogy,” Sapnap rolled his eyes, standing up and helping George do the same. “God, why did Dream drop us here?”

“‘Cause he’s a piece of shit, that’s why,” George took out his communicator, wincing slightly at the brightness of it. “Damn, whoever I was before had shit eyesight.”

“Like you don’t too,” Sapnap looked at George’s communicator. “Oh, Wilbur sent a message.”

“Naminori,” George read aloud. “That’s not too far from here, is it?”

“It’s that way, I think,” Sapnap pointed at the direction they had come from. 

“Nice,” George didn’t wait for a response before he was taking off. “Last one there’s a coward!”

Dino groaned as he buried his face in his pillows, his mind refusing to get up even though he knew he needed to, what with his memories and all.

HBomb sighed, and tossed over to glance blankly at the clock. It was still pretty early in the morning, but his communicator had buzzed, so he needed to check.

He sat up and reached for his communicator, and glanced at the notification of the message that popped up. A smile broke across his face.

“Guess I’m flying to Japan,” he said aloud. “Wonder if Romario will notice anything weird…”

He slid off the bed and headed to the bathroom to shower first. He couldn’t have anyone noticing anything weird, and it would definitely look weird if a mafia boss like him didn’t try to be nice before going somewhere.

Fuuta shivered as he hid behind a trash can, listening to the men shouting his name, trying to find and capture him. He lurched forwards, hands squeezing tighter on his arms, before going limp.

Antfrost blinked down at his body. ‘Huh. Didn't know I could be aged up like this,’ he mused.

Steadily, he swung himself onto the trash can, careful not to make any unnecessary. He picked up the lid of it, just in case. He started climbing the walls of the building he had his back to, before reaching the top and peering down at the chaos below.

A small ping from his communicator stopped him from doing anything further. He checked it briefly, before a smile stretched across his face. 

Holding the lid, he made sure to swing it powerfully before throwing it to the opposite side of the road, where it landed with a loud clang that made the men’s attentions focus on that. Snickering, he ducked away, intent on hopping on a plane to Japan quickly.

Oregano tensed as he paused in his fight with Gamma. At around the same time, Lancia stumbled out of a shadowy alleyway and proceeded to trip and fall.

Quackity and Jack stared at the fallen Schlatt, trying to hide their snickers. Schlatt pushed himself up and glared at them, though it had a slight hint of fondness in it as well.

“Don’t say anything,” he growled, standing up and sitting himself off. “Huh, I was a pretty damn good fighter here.”

“I was here as a mission from some snooty high horse dude or something,” Quackity revealed, taking off his suit jacket and tossing it away carelessly. “Pretty sure he’s manipulative as shit though, so I guess I’m ditching him. What about you, Jack?”

“I was just wandering around,” Jack shrugged, whipping out the communicator in his pocket when it buzzed. He quickly checked it. “Ah, we have to head to Japan, it seems.”

“Japan? Sounds like hell,” Schlatt said jokingly. “Perfect.”

“Okay, Schlatt,” Quackity snorted.

Ipin giggled as he hid behind a wall, so his shifu wouldn’t be able to find him. All of a sudden, he found himself collapsing, a small wheeze coming out of his throat.

Purpled grimaced as he stood back up, his body now considerably taller and bigger than it previously was. ‘Is aging up a thing?’ he wondered.

He grimaced even more when he realised this world’s him had a shifu. A powerful and definitely observational one who would obviously notice his sudden change in height.

A sudden ping coming from his communicator made him reach to get it. He opened it up and sighed at Wilbur’s choice of words. Shaking his head, he ducked into an alleyway, intent on getting far away enough from his ‘shifu’ to hop on a plane to Japan and meet up with the others.

What country was he even in, anyways?

“Fuckin’ hell,” Tommy swore. “All of our ages are fucked up. What the fuck did you do, Dream?”

“In my defence,” Dream raised his hands as everyone turned to look at him, some even glaring. “I didn’t say anything about how you’d end up.”

“It could be worse,” Antfrost offered quietly. “We could’ve been animals, instead.”

“Okay, but can we talk about the baby over there?” Sapnap gestured to the still knocked out Reborn, who was tied to a chair. “Like, who the fuck is that?”

“That’s Reborn,” HBomb said. “He’s basically part of a really powerful group. He’s like the Technoblade of the mafia but slightly less feared. He shoots things. He’s cursed to be a baby. I think he was my tutor once, actually.”

“Yeah, and now he’s come to tutor me,” Wilbur wrinkled his nose. “As if I even wanted to become part of the mafia in the first place.”

“From what I can recall,” Punz piped up. “The Vongola does need an heir, and Xanxus of the Varia isn’t compatible because of who he’s descended from.”

“That’s a shit rule.”

“But it’s a rule nonetheless.”

The room quietened down, any side conversations dying out as Phil clapped his hands loudly.

“Alright, we have to figure out two things here,” he took control of the room. “One, what do we do with the toddler. And two, how are we going to pretend to be whoever we were before?”

“Do we really have to?” surprisingly, it was Tubbo who whined that out. “I don’t wanna be a peaceful boy. I wanna burn shit.”

“Yeah, arson!” Tommy crowed.

“Don’t burn down the school,” Techno sighed. “We don’t need more orphans.”

“Technoblade not advising chaos?” Dream mock-gasped. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

Suddenly, they heard a groan. A soft one, admittedly, but a groan nonetheless. Slowly, they all turned to state at the toddler still on the chair, who was looking at all of them with wide eyes.

Skeppy immediately put his finger on his nose. “Nose says not it!”

Everyone hastily out their fingers on their noses, with Wilbur being the last one to do so.

“Oh, fuck all of you!”


	2. Daily Life Arc: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so you know how the daily life arc in khr was like,,,, really damn long? yes. here you go.  
> it probably will be about 2-3 chapters before the Varia n stuff arrive. in the meantime, you guys get a bunch of chaotic kids fucking shit up and having fun. it’ll be worth it i promise-

In the end, they did manage to explain things to the very confused and slightly intimidated Arcobaleno (although he’d never admit it).

Admittedly, it did take several hours before they were able to explain everything in detail, without each of them cutting over one another and nearly spiralling into brawls several times, but at least they managed to explain it.

Reborn didn’t seem happy that he didn’t get to ‘tutor-torture’ another student (whatever that was supposed to mean), but he settled for explaining Flames to all the transmigrators who previously had no idea what Flames were.

“So there’s seven kinds?” Tubbo asked. Reborn nodded.

“Eight, if you count the Vindice’s Night Flames,” he added on. “I was sent here to make sure Tsunayoshi’s Sky Flames were unlocked.”

“Wait, hang on, hang on,” Schlatt interrupted the Arcobaleno. “Sky Flames? Wilbur? Oh please, that fucker wouldn’t be able to get such a rare Flame so easily.”

“Oh, fuck off Schlatt!” Wilbur snapped indignantly, Bad’s little “language!” going unnoticed. “You know what? Fine, I’ll show you!”

He raised out his hand and willed the Flames outwards, and he successfully did so. However, instead of orange Flames appearing on Wilbur’s hand, the Flames were purple with a tint of red and indigo. Everyone fell silent.

“...I don’t think our Flames are remaining the same, are they?” Wilbur said awkwardly.

“Hibari-san is here!” someone screamed. Technoblade smirked slightly as they parted ways, only for his lips to fall back into a neutral line when he spotted Wilbur, Tommy and Tubbo standing opposite of someone else.

“What happened here,” he asked flatly.

The other person — Mochida, if his memory served him correctly — tried to speak up, but was cut off.

“This fucker tried to insult me, so I was gonna beat him up,” Wilbur started, before being cut off by Tommy. 

“But then I stole W-Tsuna’s prey instead!” he exclaimed. “And then Kyoto almost nailed his dick, but then you came in.”

“Hmm,” Techno looked between them. “Haru, Kyoto, are you winning?”

“Look at the difference between us and him, big man!” Tommy laughed, Tubbo nodding enthusiastically. Techno smiled a shark-like grin.

“Good job, Haru, Tsuna, Kyoto,” he nodded. “If he dies I wasn’t here.”

And with those last words, he turned around, ignoring every other student whispering as his brothers immediately began cackling again.

“Oh, it’s the Vindice,” Alyssa peered out the window at the shadows below. “Hey, does anyone want to fight?”

“The Vindice?” Quackity shook his head. “No thanks, I don’t wanna get between them and — see? There they go.”

Everyone in the house watched with mild interest as Dream swung down with a cackle, sword firmly in hand, Techno not far behind with an axe and a madman’s gleam in his eyes. Tommy was also coming in quick, Phil following behind with a grin. Sapnap came rushing out of the house soon enough, a lighter in one hand and an axe in the other.

Schlatt barked out a laugh as Dream knocked out one of the Vindice. “Alright, who wants to bargain for their freedom later on?”

“Why?” Tubbo asked. “The Vindice aren’t that bad, are they?”

“They’re basically mafia police,” Ponk told the younger. “They have a really powerful reputation, and if you cross one of their lines you’re dead, apparently.”

“Ten bucks say they send in reinforcements within the next minute!” Callahan called from the kitchen, where he had been searching for snacks.

“Twenty says we defeat the reinforcements as well,” Jack quickly chipped in.

In the end, everyone in the house kept making bets and more bets, while those outside had the time of their lives.

Reborn wasn’t amused, but no one paid much attention to him.

Purpled almost had a heart attack when he spotted his ‘shifu’ on the school rooftop talking to Techno.

In the past two days he had been trying to figure out how to contact him once again without 1) getting beaten up due to the fact that he looked vastly different than he was now, and 2) having to explain the whole thing about Dream and the codes and the transmigration. 

He most definitely did not let out a squeak when his shifu and Techno noticed him, no sirree.

“I-pin?” his shifu — Fon, if he remembered correctly — took a step towards him. “You look… older.”

“Uh huh,” Purpled rubbed his head nervously. “Yeup. That’s me. I-pin, just older.”

Techno snorted. “Very astute observation.”

“What happened?” Fon asked him concernedly. “The last time I saw you was back in Beijing.”

Oh, so he was in Beijing. That was good to know. “Uhhh…… y’know what? I’m just gonna… go,” Purpled took multiple steps backwards. “Techno, explain everything to him okay thanks bye-”

He didn’t wait for them to say anything before he was sprinting down the staircase. He absolutely refused to be the one to explain their situation to yet another Arcobaleno, thank you very much.

“Naito Longchamp is the stupidest name I’ve ever heard,” Wilbur told Longchamp bluntly. “Just so you know.”

“Don’t be rude!” Niki frowned at him, before offering a smile to Longchamp. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Gokudera Hanabi.”

“Nice to meet you too, I guess,” Longchamp responded boredly, turning away. Niki’s smile faltered.

“Okay, that’s it, square up motherfucker, how dare you ignore Niki like that-” Wilbur began trying to punch Longchamp while Niki held him back. 

“Are you gonna step in, Techno?” Phil asked Techno, who was standing at the side looking bored. None of the other Disciplinary Committee dared to step forwards without permission from their leader.

Techno hummed. “Nah,” he responded. “I say we let him punch something. Get his frustrations out for a while.”

“Techno, he’s going to murder him.”

“Good.”

Dream, George, Bad, Sapnap and Antfrost were all on a hill. There was an iPad on George’s lap, with the colours green and yellow showing on the screen.

Since no injuries or bodily issues transferred when they transmigrated, it meant that George was now able to see everything like a non-colourblind person would, so now they were showing him all the colours he previously couldn’t see.

“Green and yellow look so different!” George exclaimed. “Green’s not- it doesn’t even look like green!” 

Dream let out a wheeze. “George, it’s always been green!”

“Holy shit, it doesn’t look like piss,” he whispered, everyone cracking up. “It doesn’t— oh my god, this is what colour you are? Holy shit.”

“Language,” Bad scolded, but it was fond.

“Show him blue and purple, show him blue and purple,” Sapnap encouraged.

George let out a louder gasp as he searched it up. “Oh my god, it looks so different!”

“Is it nice?” Antfrost asked. George nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah! I mean, all these colours I couldn’t see,” he waved his hands around. “It’s like, it’s like- wow!”

“Check brown next,” Bad piped in. “It’s not as… gold? Yeah, it’s not as gold as what you’ve seen before.”

And for the rest of the afternoon, they looked at different images and colours. It was kind of boring at times, but the smile on George’s face made it worth it.

Karl yelped as he was crushed in a hug by his ‘parents’, the ones that were in this world. Behind him, Punz and Sam snickered.

“Hatsu,” his mother — should he refer to them as if they were actually his parents? Yeah, he’ll do that — wailed. “We were so worried when you didn’t return! You never do anything like this.”

“Sorry, mom,” he rubbed his neck awkwardly. “Sorry, dad. I had to go do something I forgot to do.”

“I can vouch for him,” Sam said. His parents looked up, seemingly only now realising that there were others.

“Oh, yeah!” Karl quickly jumped in before his parents jumped to any wrong conclusions. “These are… my friends. Yeah, they’re my friends. Punz and Sam.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you ma’am, sir,” Punz spoke up politely, bowing to show respect, Sam quickly following in his actions.

“Oh,” his mom blinked, before a smile crossed her face. “My, aren’t you polite boys? Hatsu’s never told us about you!”

“We just met recently, mom,” Karl said. “We just hit it off quickly, that’s all.”

“Hmm,” his dad made a grunt. “Well, as long as you aren’t getting into any shifty or shady business, you’re always welcome here!”

“Come in, come in,” Karl’s mom gestured them in. “I bet you boys are hungry! I’ve made dinner!”

“Thank you, sir, ma’am” Punz said politely. When their backs were turned, him and Sam turned to Karl. “Nice parents.”

“That’s such— that’s such a weird thing to say,” Karl huffed out a laugh, stepping inside as the other two took off their shoes and stepped in as well. “I’m surprised they’re even this nice, really. I mean, I knew they were, but still.”

“Let’s not waste time, I’m hungry and I want food,” Sam said loudly, already rushing in.

“Hey, this isn’t your house!”

Skeppy did a double-take at the number of texts and missed calls he had on his phone.

“Holy fucking shit,” he said aloud.

“Language!” Bad yelled, his head peeking in from the kitchen of their shared apartment which they had bought a few hours ago, and were now just settling in. “What is it?”

“I have like so many missed messages from the Varia, oh my gosh,” Skeppy scrolled up, not even bothering to read through all of them. “Huh, they’re really worried.”

“I mean, didn’t you disappear for a while?” Bad came out of the kitchen, wiping his hands off on the apron he was wearing. “I’ve heard rumours about the Varia. You should probably text back.”

Skeppy thought about it for a while. “Nah.”

“Skeppy,” even without looking, he just knew Bad had his Disappointed Dad™ expression on. “Your Flames changed, didn’t it? Your Bond must’ve snapped.”

“Oh sh-shoot!” his eyes widened. “Oh my god, yeah, hang on, I think I need to give them an explanation before they decide to track me down.”

He quickly typed a short paragraph into the chat, before tossing the phone away. Xanxus and the others could live without him, for a while. They’d be fine. They’d know how to read his text, right?

**Prince ‘The Ripper’ Bel** : im fiyn njsyut ofe onna middkon. donkt seatcgv for meim fuein. gotr Fran w/ e, don worky abo7krn it

Fundy was hanging out with Eret and HBomb in the living room of Wilbur’s living room when he got a call. 

He looked at the other two quizzically, before shrugging and picking it up, putting it on speaker.

“Hello? Who’s this?”

“Xanxus and the others are looking for you and Bel,” Mammon’s voice rang on flatly. “Bel did not answer any of our texts, and his texting skills seemed to have deteriorated over the course of a day and a half. Where are you.”

“Oh my god, Skeppy why the fuck-,” Fundy cursed under his breath, “Listen, okay, we’re fine, we’re safe, we’ll come back in a minute we just need to do something real quick. Okay thanks bye!”

He hastily cut the call, before muting any more calls that might be sent. Then, he let out a groan as Eret and HBomb laughed.

“Man, you and Skeppy are in trouble I think,” HBomb laughed. “I’ve known Xanxus since childhood, and I know how possessive he gets of what or who’s his.”

“Wait,” Eret suddenly jerked up from where he had been laying down on the sofa. “Since when was Xanxus unfrozen?!”

“Oh, a while ago,” HBomb shrugged. “Obviously no one else had known; I wouldn’t expect the Varia to say anything about it after what Timotheo di Vongola did.”

“Well,” Fundy began. “This complicates things.”

Phil looked at the grocery list, pushing the cart slowly as he read through the list once again. ‘Eggs, rice, some cake for dessert, prawn? Salmon, a bottle of sauce…’

He had been sent out for groceries by his ‘mother’. Tubbo was supposed to come along with him as well, but he was hanging out with Wilbur and Tommy, and the last time Phil saw them, they were cackling maniacally at the side of the road, so he decided the best course of action was to not bother them for the time being.

He continued walking with his focus to his grocery list until he bumped into someone.

“Oh, sorry,” Phil apologised quickly enough, looking up to meet the eyes of a white haired man. “I was busy looking at my grocery list.”

The white haired man offered him a small smile, although his eyes seemed like it was scrunitising him. “It’s no problem. We’ve all been there.”

Phil smiled back, careful not to seem like he noticed anything. “I’ll best be off. My mother’s always worried whenever I disappear for a long amount of time.”

The white haired man chuckled. Phil had a bad feeling about him. “Go off then. Wouldn’t want to let your mother be worried.”

Phil hurried away as soon as possible. He pushed the cart as he slowly got all of the things he needed, all the while all too aware of the feeling of someone staring at him the whole way through.

When that presence disappeared, he quickly sent off a text in the collective group chat, warning about the white haired man.

As he waited for the cashier to scan all of his items, a stray thought floated into his mind.

‘Didn't Reborn say something about a white haired man turning him into a baby?’


	3. Daily Life Arc: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double story update pog? anyway they fuck shit up here. now, you might be thinking, oh your characters are too op. well guess what? this is a crack fic if I want them to fight the Vindice constantly they’ll fight the Vindice constantly

“Tsu-chan!” Nana called out, smiling as she entered the living room, where Wilbur was furiously engaging in a texting war with Tommy. “I have good news!”

Wilbur paused to look up. “Yeah, mom?”

Nana lifted up two tickets. “You know that competition that was held near the grocery store? I managed to win the grand prize for us, honey!”

“That’s fantastic,” he tried not to sound too bored, but really, he couldn’t help it. “Where are we going?”

“Oh, it’s to this nice place called Mafia Land!” she exclaimed happily, oblivious to Wilbur’s slow panic. “I know the name sounds bad, but the reviews are really good!”

“That’s…” Wilbur winced, “That’s great, mom. When are we going?”

“Tomorrow!” Nana giggled, heading upstairs to her bedroom. “Oh, I have to prepare so much!”

Wilbur closed his eyes and tried not to scream. He failed.

“Tsuna, are you alright?”

“Yeah, mom. Just stubbed my toe!”

“Oh, you’re so clumsy!”

Why the fuck was everything bad happening to him?

“Mafia Land?” HBomb blinked. “Your mother won a trip to _Mafia Land_? Of all places?”

“Please don’t tell me it’s an actual place for mafia families to go to,” Wilbur begged. When he saw the serious faces of all those who had memories of being in the mafia, he groaned. “Oh, you’re fucking with me.”

“Mafia Land’s not that bad,” Alyssa offered. “If you don’t mind some of its peculiarities, it’s actually quite fun. I do remember some experiences from it.”

“Pissing off that one spoiled heir wasn’t fun at all, though,” Sam added, face scrunching up in a frown. “We nearly got killed, didn’t we?”

“To be fair, he made fun of us,” Callahan shrugged. “It’s not our fault.”

Wilbur let out a quiet scream. “This is gonna be an absolute disaster,” he groaned.

“Mafia Land will be a good opportunity for all of you,” Reborn said, a hint of smugness in his tone. “It’ll be the perfect way to get the civilian-born members of your little group accustomed to its ways, and the mafia-born members can jog their memory. I suggest you go.”

“Mafia Land is a stupid name,” Tommy declared, a few murmurs around the room agreeing with him. 

“ _Despite_ its name,” Reborn continued, slightly more irritated than he was earlier. “It’s a rite of passage for any mafia heir to experience it first, before officially taking their place as a family Don or Donna.”

“Okay, yeah, but how are we going to explain all of us going there when only like one fourth of us are actually with Vongola? Not to mention they don’t even know we’re associated with it.” Wilbur rolled his eyes.

Reborn smirked. “I have a few contacts. Leave it to me.”

HBomb was lounging on a chair near the mini swimming pool on the ship, sipping some martini and blatantly ignoring the war that was going on in the pool, when his phone started ringing.

Frowning, he checked who was calling, and paled when he saw the name ‘Romario’ on it.

He winced, before sighing and picking it up.

“Hello-”

“Dino Austeris Cavallone,” Romario’s voice was loud enough to get the Badlands members, who were all standing and sitting nearby, to look over curiously. “Why did I just hear that you’re on a cruise ship to Mafia Land after disappearing for not one, not two, but five days with no contact?”

‘Since when was Austeris my middle name?’ HBomb wondered for a while, before responding back to Romario.

“I’ll explain to you when I’m on the island, give me some time and-” HBomb was cut off by a fish flying straight as his face. Quickly dodging it, he hastily continued from where he left off. “- and I’ll finish up the paperwork and stuff, I promise. Alright, nice to speak to you, bye.”

He ended the call, ignoring the snickers from the people near him and the continued ringing of the phone.

Romario could wait. The family could wait. Until then, he’d rest here, before he had to get into any more shit.

They arrived at Mafia Land quietly. Reborn scoffed when he noticed a blimp in the horizon, coming closer.

“Who’s that?” Wilbur asked.

“They’re the Carcassa,” Sam answered, since the rest looked like they were distracted with the sights. “They’re known for being in some shady things, even in the terms of the Underworld.”

“Hmm,” Wilbur hummed. He said nothing more.

“One of my contacts will pick you up soon,” Reborn said distractedly, focusing more on Nana than anyone else. “He’s blond and short and has a gun, you’ll recognise him immediately. As long as the chaos doesn’t destroy our way out of here you can do whatever you want.”

Everyone’s attention perked up at that statement. As Reborn led Nana to the civilian hotel near the edge of the island, they all shared a grin.

“Sleepy Bois, roll out!” Phil laughed, before sprinting off with Wilbur, Techno and Tommy hot at his heels.

Skeppy bounced over to Bad. “Bad,” he whined, tugging on his arm, dragging him to the stalls. “Come on! I think they have cotton candy and I wanna try them out.”

“Eret, Niki, can I follow you guys around?” Tubbo walked up to the two mentioned. “I’d go with HBomb, but he said he had to go meet with his family.”

“Sure!” Niki said brightly as the trio started walking. “Where to?”

“You guys can chill here, I’ll be off at the security cameras,” Fundy yelled before scampering away quickly, a gleam in his eye that meant trouble.

“Minecraft Manhunt but it’s on Mafia Land and if you tag me you win!” Dream yelled out before sprinting off, the other Manhunters taking a short moment to process what he just said, before they were off chasing him down a path.

“Hey Purpled, wanna go check out the sights with me?” Karl asked the younger, who nodded at him with a smile.

“Sure! But I think people might be out for me though…” Purpled trailed off.

“Even better; we can be spies!”

“Oh, that sounds cool! I’m in!”

Soon, the only people left at the starting area were Callahan, Alyssa, Punz, Ponk, and Sam. The five looked at each other, grinned, and took out their weapons.

“I heard from a little birdie that the Vindice is dealing with something far South,” Alyssa sing-songed, already heading in that direction. “Would be such a shame if we were to… ruin their days.”

“I’ve been meaning to test out some of the things I built,” Sam mused. “Punz, wanna join me with the things we built?”

Punz nodded. “Callahan, Alyssa and I can do the hand-fighting.”

“Sounds good to me,” Callahan shrugged. “Ponk, you can practice your archery too!”

Ponk didn’t say anything. He simply nodded, and Callahan grinned.

“Cool. Kokuyo Gang, let’s go!”

“Why do you have such a thin neck?” Tommy complained, ignoring the looks from Phil, Techno and Wilbur as he started pestering the purple-haired baby, who was looking up at him in surprise. “I mean, jeez, look at you. You look like I could- I could just blow on you and you’d die instantly.”

“Hey!” the purple baby complained. “Skull-sama is better than that! I’m a stuntman, you know!”

“But are you a good one?” Techno asked. “Because if you aren’t then we should leave. Don’t hang out with losers Tommy.”

“Yeah,” Tommy grinned. “No losers here, bitch.”

“Calm down, let the baby show his tricks, huh?” Phil soothed the two, ignoring the cry from Skull about being called a baby. “C’mon now, mate. Show your stuntman skills.”

Skull grinned, as he took out a motorcycle out of nowhere. “Fuck the Carcassa, this is more important,” he declared. “Feast your eyes on the magnificent and talented Immortal Stuntman, Skull de Mort!”

Different mafia members from different families called out in anger, some even chasing, but Dream dodged all of their potential attacks, cackling as he ran through Mafia Land.

“Get him, get him, he’s so close oh my god-” he heard George, Antfrost, Sapnap and Bad’s voices not far behind, and his grin widened.

“Suck it!” Dream yelled, swerving through the stalls, smiling as the others did the same, even taking different paths.

He passed by HBomb, who high-fived him as he was talking to another man in a business suit, Purpled by his side, who cheered Dream on before Dream ran out of hearing range. In the distance, he could hear Sapnap cursing, and Bad’s small “Language!”

He laughed. He really was glad his friends were great enough to go along with his impromptu manhunt.

Niki stumbled backwards as a girl, barely 7, collided with her chest.

“Oh!” she gasped at the condition the little girl was in, dressed in nothing but a white dress and a collar. “Are you okay?”

“Why does she have a collar on?” Tubbo asked as he and Eret quickly went back to check on Niki and the girl.

“Please,” the girl begged quietly. “You have to help. They’ve kidnapped my sister and they’re… they’re planning on selling her to a very cruel man!”

“A slave trade?” Eret’s face darkened, his body’s memories clearly working here. “Where?”

The girl pointed in the way they came from, and Niki hissed. The trio looked around, but they were in a more rural area, so no one else was here.

“Alright, can you be on your own or would you like someone with you?” Eret asked gently as Niki helped the girl steady herself.

“I just want to save my sister,” she begged, not answering the question.

“I’ll stay with her,” Tubbo offered. “You two can bust that shit slave trade down.”

“You’re a good kid, Tubbo,” Niki smiled as she took out a few bombs, as Eret took off into the way the girl came from. “Call us if you need help!”

And with those words, she was off too.

“Man, the Vindice are not having a good time,” Sam laughed as he shot more firework arrows at the mafia police, Ponk beside him doing the same. “I feel like we should be in jail by now.”

“To be fair, while this is breaking a lot of rules,” Ponk offered quietly. “They can’t shove us in jail if they can’t even get to us.”

“True,” Sam hummed. “Alyssa, Callahan and Punz are really having fun right now.”

Alyssa was snickering as she swung a sword at a Vindice member. Punz was casually fighting two at the same time while dual-wielding two swords. Callahan was swinging a bat full with nails around, his laughter ringing through the air.

“After this we should go for some snacks,” Sam mused. “Hey, Ponk, what place did you like to go to again?”

“Linguato’s Cafe,” Ponk responded. “We should disguise ourselves first, though.”

“I’ll tell the others later,” Sam loaded another firework arrow and shot it. “Best not to let the Vindice find out, after all.”

“Can’t wait,” Ponk hummed. “I’ve been meaning to go there for some time now.”

After that conversation, they focused on shooting more firework arrows, occasionally testing out some of their other things.

Funny grinned as he switched through the security cameras. It was far too easy sneaking into the security room. Although, to be fair, most of the guards were busy with whatever the others were doing. From what he had heard, it sounded chaotic, which made it the perfect time for him to sneak in and maybe steal some important information or two.

What can he say? He liked having blackmail.

Karl opened the door quietly. “Hey, Fundy!”

“Hey Karl- what are they even doing?” Fundy muttered as he watched from the security cameras as his friends did stupid shit. Karl, who had recently arrived from hanging out with the self-dubbed ‘Kokuyo Gang’, perked up.

“Oh, I can answer that! Most of it, at least.”

“Really? Weren’t you only hanging out with Kokuyo?”

“Well, yeah, but I listen to gossip,” Karl shrugged. “The Manhunters are having an impromptu manhunt across the whole of Mafia Land. Last time I spotted them, I think the Sleepy Bois were taking over the island itself. Uh, Niki, Eret and Tubbo were all breaking an illegal slave trade, and Kokuyo was in the process of trying to fight the Vindice. I think HBomb and Purpled were at the training area. No idea what they’re up to, though. And I haven’t seen Schlatt, Quackity or Jack since we stepped foot here, so I have no idea where they went.”

Fundy nodded distractedly before pausing. “Wait, where’s Skeppy and BadBoyHalo.”

“I think they were with the Varia?” Karl thought for a moment, before nodding. “Yup, with the Varia.”

“Fuck,” Fundy cursed, hopping out of the chair as he sprinted towards the door. “Karl, do me a favour and make sure no one comes in. I have to stop Skeppy from being an idiot!”

“Okay!” Karl called back, before turning back to the security cameras. “Huh, wonder what I could do with these……”

“So you gave no communication other than your single text,” Mammon stated flatly. “Because you wanted to hang out with your boyfriend.”

“Yea- hey!” Skeppy squawked. “He’s not my boyfriend!”

Bad paused in his staring to frown at Skeppy. “What? But I thought we were friends!”

“I mean, yeah we’re friends, we’re best friends obviously!” Skeppy flailed his arms around, ignoring the Varia at this point. “But we’re not like boyfriends or anything!”

“But we’re friends!”

“Yeah! And we’re not romantically involved and shit!”

Bad’s brows furrowed. “But we’re both boys? What does romance have to do with anything?”

As the two argued like an old married couple, Lussuria turned to Squalo, who was watching the scene happening before them in mild horror.

“Isn’t Poison Scorpion Blanche supposed to be a seducer?” Lussuria asked. “Why is he pretending to not know what boyfriend means?”

“I don’t fucking know,” Squalo whispered. “Where the fuck is the shitty boss when you need him?!”

“Why the fuck do you have a child with you,” Schlatt asked flatly. “And why is he dressed so…”

In front of him, Quackity rolled his eyes as Jack held a squirming boy in a cow suit in his grasps.

“First of all, this is Lambo and we kidnapped him,” Jack explained, ignoring Quackity’s cry of “Don’t word it like that!” and Lambo’s insistent squirming. “Second of all, his family’s making him go assassinate Reborn despite him being all of five years old, so we took him away.”

“I… you know what?” Schlatt tossed his arms up in the air. “Fuck it, guess we have some extra luggage now.”

“We’re gonna take him to Nana,” Quackity explained as they started walking away. “Who knows, she might need someone else around the house since Wilbur’s barely there anymore.”

“Plus, Lambo’s gonna annoy Wilbur so much,” Jack added on. “Don't you like annoying Wilbur, Schlatt?”

“I do, which is the only reason I’m going along with this. Now come on, we better get there before this whole island blows up because of one of us.”

HBomb sipped a drink calmly, internally snickering at Colonello’s gobsmacked expression.

“Wh- what are they doing to Mafia Land?!” the Rain Arcobaleno screeched. 

“Leave them alone, they’re just having fun,” Purpled piped up. “Besides, I can’t wait to see how Reborn will react.”

“Forget Reborn, I can’t wait to hear what Nana’s been up to,” HBomb laughed, him and Purpled ignoring Colonello’s mini panic session beside them. “Wonder if she’s having fun with Reborn…”

“If Reborn doesn’t treat Nana right we revolt.”

“Exactly!”


	4. Daily Life Arc: Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they on the ship vibing after mafia land. I’ll touch on the aftereffects at a later date for now have some bonding moments between characters aha

“So let me get this straight,” Reborn’s voice was flat, but everyone could tell he was angry and pleased at the same time, which was a weird combination. 

“You guys somehow managed to have a whole ‘manhunt’ through this whole island, disband a slave trade, almost take over Mafia Land, made the lackey-”

“His name is Skull,” Phil interrupted Reborn midway. 

“And he’s poggers!” Tommy added in. Reborn sighed.

“Made _Skull de Mort_ quit the Carcassa, somehow sneak into the security rooms of Mafia Land, fight at least a quarter of the Vindice and won, stole and practically kidnapped a member of the Bovino family, and made Colonello nearly go into cardiac arrest from stress alone.” Reborn finished. “I can’t decide whether to be angry or proud.”

There was a scream from a distance. Everyone turned to stare at Colonello, who was staring at the very big sign that was hanging over Mafia Land with his mouth wide open in what was probably shock and or horror.

“ _What the fuck is wap?!_ ”

Tommy, Tubbo, Quackity, Wilbur, Phil and Dream all started laughing loudly, ignoring Colonello’s obvious distress.

“Worship and Prayer! Worship and Prayer!” the younger members of the group chanted, others slowly joining in.

Reborn sighed.

“Guys, I need your help,” Eret called out as they were walking back to the ship. The closest ones to him — which were Fundy, Niki, Karl and Purpled — all turned and waited for him to catch up.

“What is it?” Niki asked worriedly. Eret shoved his phone in front of their faces.

“What do I do?” he asked. On his phone screen, there was 

**Shitwada** : Basil, report back to me, now.

Fundy let out a snort. “Okay, but the name-”

“I know, I changed the name the moment I realised,” Eret’s nose wrinkled. “Did you know it was ‘Sir’ before? The dude doesn’t deserve to be called ‘sir’.”

“Mhmm,” Karl nodded. “Uh, I guess just block his number?”

“Block the number and then throw the phone away,” Niki chimed in. “If there’s any trackers on the phone he won’t be able to get it, I think.”

“I would, but then he’d go searching for me,” Eret sighed. “And I don’t think I want to hear his voice ever again.”

“If he even cares that much anyways,” Purpled muttered, disgust in his voice.

“Have you met him before, Purpled? Like, before you were, well, you?”

“No, but I heard rumours,” he responded. “Sometimes shifu — Fon, that is — would take me to mafia bars when he couldn’t take me anywhere else, and I heard a lot of things from the bar-goers. A lot of them had nothing positive about him other than his relationship to the Vongola.”

“So he’s a shitty guy both to his family and in the mafia,” Fundy concluded. “Man, when are we getting rid of him again?”

“We should leave it up to Wilbur,” Niki said. “Since it’s his ‘father’, and all.”

“Plus, we can’t do much, otherwise we’d have the Underworld breathing down our backs for killing one of the ‘top dogs’ of it,” Karl added in.

Eret stared at his phone and shrugged. “Well, guess there’s nothing else to do.”

He proceeded to throw it on the floor and jump on it, almost breaking it in half. Then, he threw it to the ocean.

Fundy let out a low whistle, ignoring the sudden silence from the people who had seen what they did. “Nice shot,” he complimented.

Nana took to Lambo very well. Lambo was happily munching on the grape candies that she was feeding him, seemingly not bothered by the fact that he had been kidnapped.

“So he doesn’t have a family now?” she frowned at Wilbur, who nodded, ignoring the snickers coming from behind.

“Yeah,” he made his voice sound as sad as possible. “I found him on the streets, and he looked really pitiful, mom. He was so hungry too! And really thin! I couldn’t just leave him there.”

“Oh, these grape candies won’t be enough then!” Nana gasped. “I think I have some more nutritious food in my luggage, I’ll go get it.”

She quickly scooped up Lambo, the boy happy to just munch on his candy. Nana quickly went to go to her cabin on the ship.

When Nana had taken Lambo into her cabins, Wilbur whirled around to face the giggling crowd.

“If I have to do that again I’m going to burn down this whole ship,” he threatened, before walking off in a huff.

Jack peered over Fundy’s shoulder at the papers he held in his hand. “Damn, that’s a lot of stuff.”

“I know,” Fundy said smugly. “I managed to get a bunch of it before anyone noticed anything was wrong.”

“Colonello’s gonna be so fucking mad.”

“Good on him, that loud mouthed piece of shit deserved it.”

“To be fair on him,” Antfrost appeared practically out of nowhere, making the both of them jump slightly. “We did ruin his plans to train us and the place he’s supposed to be taking care of too.”

“I know, but he’s still a bitch,” Fundy rolled his eyes.

“You have to feel bad for him, though,” Jack sighed. “Him and… whatever the fuck’s going on with his relationship with… Lily? Was her name Lily?”

“No, it was Lal Mirch,” Antfrost corrected. “And they’ve had that kind of relationship for years now. What I’m wondering about is how Fundy managed to get away from the Varia.”

“Oh, don’t even remind me of that fact,” Fundy groaned. “When Mammon finds me again, I’m going to die.”

“Well, wish you the best of luck in deciphering all of that,” Antfrost started walking away. “I have to stop Quackity from trying to hold an impromptu stripping party over there.”

The other two ran that sentence over in their minds, before, “Quackity’s starting a _what_?!”

“Hey,” Alyssa started the conversation. “Have any of you heard from, uh, Bermuda, recently?”

“Who’s that again?” Sam frowned.

“Uh, we spent some time with him, I think,” Callahan shrugged. “I can’t remember much, though. He’s unimportant.”

“He was the one who put us all in the Iron Wall, wasn’t he?” Ponk wondered. “Or at least, one of the Vindice who shoved us in there.”

“Yeah, that guy,” Alyssa nodded. “Why hasn’t he been sent after us yet? I mean, last I remember we had bouncy posters on that board of theirs, didn’t we?”

“Don’t think too much of it, Alyssa,” Sam took a sip of his juice before replying. “He’s probably just busy or something.”

“Probably fucking that side-guy of his,” Punz commented absentmindedly.

There was a brief moment of silence, before everyone started yelling. In the distance, Quackity, who had overheard everything, started wheezing, much to the confusion of Jack, who hadn’t heard anything at all.

“Hey, Quackity,” Jack called out. “Mind telling me what you’re on? And if I could get any?”

“No, no!” Quackity wiped his laugh tears away, before continuing. “No, okay, so I just heard Punz say…”

“And then I was like ‘I have the Blade’,” Tommy was retelling the story of the Dream SMP to a fascinated Skull when Phil reentered the Sleepy Bois’ shared cabin after checking in with Wilbur and Techno. “And oh man, you should’ve seen the look on Sapnap’s face.”

Tubbo nodded eagerly. “Yeah! I mean, I wasn’t there, but I heard from Niki- uh, I mean Hanabi, that it was really cool.”

“Are you two telling him about the SMP?” Phil raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Skull laughed. “It’s amazing how all of you managed to create such an enthralling roleplay all by yourselves. I mean, I would say I’m a pretty good actor — I did fool the rest of the Arcobaleno for a damn long time — but really, based on the few pictures and videos you’ve shown me, you all are amazing.”

Tommy, Tubbo and Phil shared a look. “Yup,” Tubbo said, offering a smile. “Our ‘roleplaying’ skills are pretty good, I’d say.”

Either he didn’t pay attention to Tubbo’s slightly higher pitched tone, or he just didn’t care, because Skull grinned back.

“Y’know, I would’ve been an actor too,” he spoke up, almost wistfully. “My stuntman career was going well and I had an offer from a theatre nearby. I would’ve gotten in, too, if it weren’t for me becoming part of the Arcobaleno.”

“I was wondering about that, actually,” Phil said. “How exactly did you become like this?”

Skull became visibly uncomfortable after that.

“I’m not allowed to say, actually,” he coughed. “Y’know, top secret stuff and all.”

“But it’ll piss Reborn off,” Tommy encouraged. “And also all of the other Arcobaleno, probably, but I know shit about them.”

Skull looked like he was thinking it over, before he sighed.

“Oh, alright,” he said. “But only because it would piss the rest of those bastards off.”

And to a mesmerised audience of three, Skull cleared his throat, and retold his story of what being an Arcobaleno actually meant, and how he became one.

“How did it go with Romario?” Karl asked HBomb curiously. HBomb blinked up at him from where he was floating on a white pool lounger, with Karl floating idly beside him on a floating ring.

HBomb winced. “Well for starters, he brought my father and my, uh, ‘Guardians’ along with him.”

“Oh, ouch. You’re not a primary Sky now, right?” 

“No, I’m a primary Rain with a Sky secondary and they immediately noticed that,” HBomb sighed. “I had to dodge a bunch of attacks and had to get a DNA test and a mind checkup before they were convinced. After that, they tried to track down the rest of you.”

“And you convinced them?”

“I just told my father that I could still lead since no one else knew about my switch in Flames and he immediately dropped it, the selfish bastard” HBomb let out a sigh. “My Guardians, on the other hand…”

“But you convinced them, right?” Karl pressed on.

“Yeah, I did,” HBomb hummed. “Took a while, but they’re satisfied with my answer for now. Although Romario made me promise to check up with him every day.”

“Must be nice, having people who still like you even if you’re different now,” Karl sighed. “I think my parents are getting worried over my sudden change in personality and whatnot. They do still love me, but like, how long will that last?”

“Just don’t overthink it for now,” HBomb told him. “Actually, do you want to get in a challenge with me to take your mind off of it?”

“If you’re up for it, yeah,” Karl shrugged. “What did you have in mind?”

“Great, let’s see who can hold our breaths the longest. Three, two, one, go!”

Techno sat next to Bad and Skeppy, who were busy staring at each other. He resisted the urge to clap his hands really loudly or push Bad to fall on Skeppy, so that they’d stop doing their weird flirting.

He settled for just casually saying, “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

As expected, Skeppy and Bad both jumped apart, and Bad, who was sitting beside him, turned and yelped.

“Technoblade!” he frowned. “You’re a mean muffin for scaring us like that!”

“Yeah, tell him Bad!” Skeppy called out.

Techno rolled his eyes. “Not my fault you two were making googly eyes at each other when I sat down.”

He instantly regretted his words when Bad and Skeppy started to yell at him about how they weren’t making googly eyes, only for them to start shouting at each other instead.

Techno sighed. They always seemed to be semi-flirting.

He spotted Sapnap standing awkwardly beside George, who was flirting with Dream. At this rate, Techno couldn’t tell who Dream actually was with, if he even was with anyone at all.

He met Sapnap’s eyes, and despite their previous differences, they shared a mutually understanding look.

‘Oh to be a third wheel,’ he sighed mentally, before taking out a book and reading, ignoring Bad and Skeppy beside him.

Schlatt read the messages sent to him with a grin.

He had been planning this behind everybody else’s back. Not for any nefarious purposes, of course; he missed his friendships with everyone when they were at war, and he wouldn’t make the same mistakes again.

Didn’t mean he couldn’t still plot behind their backs with Dream, George and Sapnap, of course.

He needed to make sure they would be as safe as they could be for their time here. And after all of them pulled together what contacts they held, they managed to come up with a plan, and get a very important person’s phone number.

Schlatt was tasked with being the one to contact the person, seeing as he had the most charismatic-sounding voice out of all of them, since he had managed to get back his Schlatt voice after a few days of having a Lancia voice.

He dialled the number into his phone, and not even a few seconds later, the person picked up.

“Hello,” a feminine voice called out from the phone. “I know who you are. Mind if you tell me what you need?”

With a grin, he began talking.

“So I heard you have a small problem over there, Donna Yuni…”


	5. Daily Life Arc: Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the later-than-usual posting time but I spent way too long trying to figure out characters and prices and I don’t even know why-
> 
> all of the characters in here are in the khr canon. I made up Mrs Abe’s first name bc she doesn’t have a canon one sooo
> 
> also, for the lyrics that will appear in this chapter, they’re from dodie’s Would You Be So Kind. just to let you know!!
> 
> the wilbur/niki in here can be seen as either platonic or romantic tbh,,,
> 
> Anyways, welcome to the finale of the Daily Life Arc, this time from a special point of view(s). Coming up next: the Varia Arc.

The appearance of Sawada Lambo mystified everyone in the neighbourhood. After all, Sawada Nana left with a son, and came back with two. She refused to elaborate on his wherecomings as well, other than a simple, “He needed a home, so I gave it to him!”

And Sawada Tsunayoshi was of no help either. It wasn’t like people could go up to him and ask so easily either, because it seemed as though one day his and many others’ personalities suddenly changed, and he started hanging out with the Hibari Kyouya, Kusakawa Haru, and Sasagawa Ryouhei. In fact, you could rarely see one with at least another following close behind.

Yamamoto Takeshi was another. He had mysteriously disappeared for a day, only to come back with four Italian boys around his age, proclaiming them to be the best of friends. They would all be spotted running around town, doing parkour and feats that were dangerously life-threatening, and yet they always survived.

They had become very strange indeed. But as long as they didn’t try to harm any of them, everyone could accept their new selves.

It was barely 5 in the morning when Kusakabe Tetsuya received a call from his leader.

He sighed as he picked it up. Hibari-sama had been acting very weird lately, but it didn’t seem to be harming anyone innocent, so Kusakabe had left him alone.

“Hibari-sama,” he asked, already getting dressed. “What did you need me for?”

“Come to…” there was a pause in which Kusakabe assumed Hibari-sama was checking where he was — which was a thing he hadn’t done since he was 8, having memorised the whole of Naminori. Then again, between all the other changes his leader had gotten, this was one of the less worrying one.

“Come to the Southeasternmost edge of Naminori’s border,” Hibari-sama finally said. “Bring no one else but yourself.”

An odd request, but if there was one thing Kusakabe had learned, it was to not doubt Hibari-sama, unless he was clearly being an idiot. So, he went.

He was kind of expecting the pile of bodies stacked up when he arrived. What he was not expecting, however, was the blood splattered over a makeshift altar, nor the two swords he wielded instead of his tonfas.

“Hibari-sama?” Kusakabe hesitantly asked. “Is… would you like me to get rid of the bodies?”

“Hm,” Hibari-sama looked over at the bodies, and shook his head. “Nah. Blood for the blood god and all, but I think the guy would appreciate a few corpses or two.”

“Ah,” Kusakabe had zero idea who the ‘blood god’ was, or when Hibari-sama became religious, but he wasn’t about to question it. “You’re very wise.”

Hibari-sama hummed, which was very odd, considering the fact that he had never made more sound than necessary before. He twirled one of his swords, before throwing it to Kusakabe, who barely managed to catch it in time.

“I’m bored,” Hibari-sama said, before Kusakabe could question him. “And you need a little more training to be able to defend and lead the Disciplinary Committee.”

The words were like a lightning bolt through his body. “But- but you’re the leader-!”

“I have a few other plans in mind, and you will be a very good leader in place of me,” Hibari-sama stated in his no-nonsense tone. “Now come closer; I will teach you how to wield a sword.”

Kusakabe swallowed his questions and stepped forwards. He was still very confused, but if Hibari-sama wanted to teach him something to become a better leader, he would do well to make him proud.

“I’m back!” Yamamoto Tsuyoshi looked up from his work and smiled as he saw his son coming into the bar, his friends trailing behind him.

“Welcome back,” he greeted. “The usual for the rest of you?”

“That’d be really pog,” the blond one nodded. Tsuyoshi had no idea what ‘pog’ meant, but it had to mean something positive, based off the way they always used it, so he just smiled and headed into the kitchen to begin making their favourites.

As he did, he idly listened to their chatter. It was nice that Takeshi had finally found some friends to spend time with, and that he had finally been looking happier and less stressed.

Tsuyoshi had been worried when Takeshi had such a sudden change in personality; he had thought his son had snapped from all the pressure he had been getting from his so-called ‘friends’ at school. However, after a few days of him coming back with a group of four boys he called his friends, Tsuyoshi was glad he had no reason to be worried.

The four other boys were such nice influences on his boy, and Takeshi had looked happier ever since them and a few other of his friends arrived in his life.

If they made his son happy, Tsuyoshi was glad to welcome them into his home. Although, that didn’t mean he wouldn’t take out his sword if they ever dared to hurt his son.

He came out of the kitchen, carrying a tray of plates with him. The way the five boys perked up as they saw the food was kind of sweet, in a way.

“Eat up!” he announced, smiling as two of the boys started immediately digging in. “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.”

As he headed back into the kitchen, he heard his son start laughing brightly. Tsuyoshi smiled.

Yes, he was very glad his son had found these boys indeed.

Irie Akiko paused in her run as she heard a song being sung. She looked around in confusion and saw several others doing the same. Some had their gaze fixed at a certain spot, so she turned her head towards there.

When she spotted who exactly was singing the song, she quickly understood. 

On the hill was Dame-Tsuna and a silver haired girl. She had only vaguely heard of the former and she had never heard of the latter, but that didn’t stop her from still being surprised as she heard Dame-Tsuna and the girl — who everyone called a failure of a human being — sing better than at least most, if not all of her school.

Dame-Tsuna was also strumming a guitar to their song. And from the sound of it, they were singing a love song together.

“Oh, would you be so kind as to fall in love with me?” Dame-Tsuna sang. “You see, I’m trying, I know you know that I like you.”

“But that’s not enough,” the silver haired girl continued. “So if you will, please fall in love.”

“I think it’s only fair, there’s gotta be some butterflies somewhere, wanna share? ‘Cause I like you, but that’s not enough. So if you will, please fall in love with me!”

Their voices entwined together so perfectly with the guitar strumming that Akiko could’ve fooled herself that the two on the hill were actual, professional singers.

She took a look at them one last time, before shrugging and continuing on her run. It wasn’t her place to question what they were doing, nor how Dame-Tsuna was behaving so weirdly. 

Besides, a little young love couldn’t hurt anyone.

Furuta Kaori jerked up from where she had previously been sleeping on the countertop as the bell to her coffee shop rang. She plastered her retail smile on as the group of four boys walked through the doors.

She recognised Kurokawa Haru and Sasagawa Kyoto from the group, although the other two were a mystery to her. The aqua haired one was arguing with Kurokawa-chan, and the blond one was calmly talking with Sasagawa-chan.

She greeted them politely as they came up to the counter. “Welcome to Naminori Coffee! How may I help you?”

“Yeah, uh,” the aqua haired man took a glance at the menu. “Can I get a medium frappuccino with caramel?”

“Alright,” she took down the order. “Anything else?”

“Black coffee, please!” Sasagawa-chan chirped up. “Medium too!”

“I think I’d like a small cinnamon latte,” the blond said. “Hot as well.”

“I’ll get the same as T-Kyoto.” Kurokawa-chan said after some pondering. “Same size, too.”

“Okay,” Kaori quickly calculated the cost. “Your total is 878 yen.”

The blond pulled out the money as Sasagawa-chan and Kurokawa-chan started arguing about something as the aqua haired man took out his phone and started typing something out.

“For the road, if possible,” the blond offered her a smile, and Kaori nodded.

“You can wait at one of the tables if you want,” she told him. “I’ll get your orders done shortly.”

She immediately turned and headed to prepare the drinks. For the most part, the group seemed to just talk about their other friends and strangely, about magic. Although, they all looked relatively young, so maybe the magic part was about a new game.

When the drinks were done, she called for them. They thanked her and left as she waved them off.

Kaori checked the clock. It was still too early for her to leave, but nobody was coming back in, so maybe she could sneak in another nap……

Abe Miyomori scowled as she passed by a basketball court, where she spotted a group of rowdy kids playing basketball.

First, her husband had decided to be lazy and not help out with the chores again. Then, her manager at work had decided to revamp the whole working system in a way that caused more problems than it solved. Lastly, her husband had called to tell her that their cars had been destroyed by some thugs mere minutes before she was supposed to leave work, forcing her to have to walk back home instead.

All in all, she was not having a good day.

Suddenly, a ball rolled to a stop in front of her feet. It was a basketball, probably from the basketball field.

A boy with light brown hair came running her way, with a black haired boy with many tattoos and a dark blond boy coming up behind him. A dark brown haired boy was also walking up, albeit much slower.

“I’m so sorry,” the light brown haired boy apologized sincerely as he picked up the ball. “I hope you’re alright!”

Miyomori was tired, angry, and stressed. And just when she thought her day couldn’t go any worse, these bunch of rowdy kids had to go and not pay attention to their surroundings.

“Move out of the way.” she said coldly.

The dark brown haired boy’s face hardened as he stepped in front of theother boys. “Excuse me?” he asked quietly.

Behind him, the other kids were already making their way to them. Miyomori rolled her eyes.

“I said,” she emphasised her words and spoke them slowly. “Move. Out. Of. The. Way.”

“That’s quite rude, don’t you think?” someone who she recognised as the Miuras’ son spoke up.

“It’s your fault for not paying attention in the first place,” Miyomori scoffed. “You should be ashamed of yourselves! Your families must be disappointed to have such failures-”

She was promptly shoved to the ground by three of those boys. She spluttered, ready to threaten to call their parents, when a sword was pointed to her chest.

Her blood ran cold.

“You should’ve been nicer,” the girl snapped, her grip. “Even if you had a shitty day or whatever, doesn’t mean you have to be so _mean_.”

The blue haired boy stepped in front of the girl. Despite his calm exterior, all Miyomori could feel was fear as he and the other kids stared down at her, like a pack of predators scanning their prey.

“If you tell anyone about this incident,” he said calmly. “We will track you down, and we will destroy your social and personal life, before we make you mysteriously disappear. Am I clear?”

She had never nodded faster in her life. The group of kids all shared looks, before turning back to her.

“Good!” the indigo haired boy clapped his hands. His expression suddenly turned dark. “Then _scram_.”

She hastily clambered onto her feet and sprinted away as fast as her feet would allow her to. As she ran, she shuddered and vowed to never return to that place ever again.

Aria frowned as she looked at the timeline. What once was a clear road had become a road full of twists and bumps.

She didn’t know what had changed for the timeline to become so different than before, but her visions weren’t making sense or giving her any hints, and that damned white haired bastard wasn’t giving her any clues either.

She let out a frustrated sigh. She might be dying in a few months, but that didn’t mean she liked being left out of important things.

A knock sounded out, and her darling daughter peeked out from the door.

“Hello, Mom,” Yuni smiled as she walked up to her. “I hope you’re not busy, but I have a question.”

“What did you need?”

“Well, a few days ago, I got a really mysterious call from someone, who I didn’t see in my visions,” Yuni explained. “And then just yesterday, I got another call, this time from Cavallone’s Don, asking about that previous call. And a few hours later, I got another call, this one from someone in their teens, I think.”

“And you haven’t seen anything in your visions?” Aria asked, just to clarify. Yuni nodded. 

“Do I do something about it?” she asked. Aria pondered it for a moment, before shaking her head.

“Wait it out for a little longer,” she offered her daughter a reassuring smile. “I’m sure the answers will come in time.”

Yuni smiled back. “Thanks, Mom!”

As Yuni ran out, Aria’s smile fell into a frown. She stared out the window.

She didn’t know what was messing with the timeline, but she prayed it wouldn’t hurt her daughter any more than it had already would.


	6. Varia Arc: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fundywastaken lives in my head rent-free I sincerely apologise,,,,,
> 
> this chapter was a bummer to get out but I did it :D! and also listened to House of Gold while doing it but that’s neither here or there
> 
> hope you enjoy their shenanigans!

It was a nice day. Nice days were suspicious.

Wilbur sighed as he scrolled through the Internet. It seemed as though there was just nothing interesting happening today. And Lambo was asleep, so he couldn’t go bother the kid either, especially since Nana was with him.

Just then, someone rang the doorbell. Wilbur put down his phone and headed for the door.

“Coming!” he called.

Wilbur opened the door, looked at the beaming man on the doorstep, and immediately slammed it shut.

“Tuna-fishie!” he heard the man shout. “Why did you slam the door on me?!”

Wilbur opened the door again, this time staring the man in the face. “Don’t call me that,” he said flatly. “What do you want? I don’t take pity on scams, if that was what you were wondering.”

It was honestly kind of hilarious watching the man act like a fish, mouth opening and closing. It was then that Nana peeked out from the stairs.

“Oh, darling, you’re home!” she called out, smiling sweetly. Wilbur gaped at her as she hugged the man.

“Nana,” the man didn’t even respond to her hug, instead complaining like an asshole. Wilbur scowled at him. “My tuna-fishie didn’t even recognise me!”

“Oh, dear,” Nana frowned. She turned to him. “Tsuna, that’s your father! Don't you remember?”

Wilbur’s eyes twitched. “I’m sorry, what?” he asked, praying he had just misheard.

“He’s your father, honey,” Nana repeated, a smile on her face. “He’s my Iemitsu!”

Wilbur blinked. “Yeah, no,” he said, already rushing out the door, ignoring their calls. “I’m heading to my friend’s house, don’t cook dinner for me!”

“No way,” Eret wheezed. “No fucking way, there’s no fucking way the CEDEF’s leader just straight up called you _tuna-fishie_.”

“I hate him,” Wilbur said miserably as the rest of his traitorous friends laughed at his predicament. “I hate him so fucking much. Who even ditched their family for years on end just to come back whenever he needs something?”

“Amen, I’ll drink to that,” Alyssa raised her fist in an attempt to mimic raising a glass of beer. “Some of us really got the bad end of the stick when it came to parents, huh?”

There were murmurs of agreement throughout the room.

“One day I’ll hack into his bank account and steal all his money,” Wilbur swore.

“Save that for later!” Skeppy suddenly shouted out as he burst in from upstairs. “You will _not_ believe what Squalo just sent to me.”

“Hypothetically,” Dream started off. “What if we set up our own company?”

That question was met with silence.

“Oh come on, you’re supposed to be my friends here!” he complained, sitting up. Bad, George, Sapnap and Antfrost stared back at him blankly.

“I mean, what are we supposed to say?” Antfrost raised an eyebrow. “What would you want us to say?”

“I don’t know, something like ‘oh Dream, you have such a good idea, you are the best, please marry me,’ or whatever!” Dream whined.

George rolled his eyes. “If I wanted to say that I’d be Fundy,” he scoffed.

“Speaking of him,” Bad frowned. “You haven’t really spent time with him that much, have you?”

“Yeah, Dream,” Sapnap mocked. “What are you, cheating on him or something?”

“Dream is _what_.”

Dream whipped around to stare at the surprised face of Fundy. “Fundy, you really need the context to that question.”

“I think I do too,” Fundy’s voice was flat, making the former wince.

“Remember what we talked about two weeks ago!” Antfrost shouted after them.

Once Dream was gone, all four of them looked at each other and sighed.

“Now he won’t bother us for long,” George yawned as he stood back up. “Honestly, he starts a relationship with Fundy and he doesn’t even act on it. I have to wonder though, what made the rest of you go along with my thing?”

“Dream has never claimed to be the best at relationships,” Antfrost shrugged. “Besides, hybrids gotta stick up for one another. And really I kind of feel bad for the dude after everything he’s gone through. I mean, we talked, and he said some pretty concerning things.”

“Dream needs to get his stick off his ass,” Sapnap grumbled. “Yeah, yeah, I know, language.”

“So,” Bad clapped his hands eagerly. “A company?”

“We have to ask the others first,” Sapnap reminded. “But I’m pretty sure they’ll agree.”

“Does it really count as patricide if I’m technically not his son?” Wilbur asked as he barged into the gym of Naminori Middle. Phil sighed, ignoring the shocked and even mildly horrified faces of his classmates.

“Wilbur, you can’t kill Sawada Iemitsu yet.” he told him tiredly, foregoing the names and the honorifics. They could play it off as nicknames, anyway.

“I know, but can it really be traced back to me?” Wilbur persisted.

“Wilbur, we still need him alive for the money.”

“Who needs money when you have thievery, Phil?”

“Well yeah, but have you thought about how you could reveal the shitty things he did and ruin his reputation as well as humiliate him, _before_ you kill him?” Phil explained tiredly. He really was not awake enough for this.

“... you have a good point. Fine.” Wilbur pouted.

“Good,” Phil nodded. “Now go back to class you little bastard. I know how your grades are doing.”

“I don’t need good grades, I need answers!” Wilbur declared before sprinting out. Sighing again, Phil turned to offer a smile to his teacher.

“Sorry for that,” he apologised. “Please continue.”

The continuing silence let him know that it was going to be a long, long day.

“Where did the Kokuyo Gang go?” Purpled frowned when he entered Naminori’s 2-A classroom, ignoring the maths teacher up front. “And why did I just see F-Fran-kun arguing with, uh, Takeshi-kun?”

He barely remembered to use the fake names and the honorifics in time, but thankfully no one seemed to notice, otherwise that would’ve been bad.

“Who do you think you are-” the maths teacher, a Nezu something started sputtering, but was cut off.

“Oh, Fran and Takeshi are just sorting things out,” Wilbur said flippantly. “Which, you know, good on Takeshi for growing some goddamn balls.”

“Tsuna, you ignored Fundy too,” Niki frowned.

“Okay, yes, but I’m planning on making it up to him.”

“And me too!” Tubbo piped up from the back of the class. “You know, for all the betrayals and the murder.”

“You still haven’t apologised for blowing me up, too,” Tommy added, a scowl on his face.

Wilbur sighed. “For fucks’ sake, can we not discuss this outside? They’ll take it out of context.”

“Good on them,” Tubbo responded. “Um, I think Kokuyo’s with the rest of the Dream Team, but I don’t know why? I think it was something to do with a company and therapy?”

“So that’s why I saw Punz and Ponk carrying bows!” Purpled exclaimed. “Alright, thanks, enjoy your class!”

“I was forced here!” was the last thing he heard from Wilbur before the door slammed shut.

As Purpled walked down the hallway, a thought crossed his mind.

‘Wait, how are they gonna explain everything?’

“We could build penises.”

“Quackity, no,” Eret sighed. “We’re not building penises. How would we build them anyways? This world doesn’t operate under the same rules as the Dream SMP.”

Quackity shrugged. “We could always figure something out. Y’know, get some help.”

“I don’t think other people in the Underworld would be willing to help us out,” Jack cut in dryly. “Especially after what we did at Mafia Land.”

“It was funny though,” Quackity responded. 

“It was funny, but can we please get back to the matter at hand?” Eret sighed. “Because I just remembered I had these Vongola rings or something I was supposed to keep safe.”

“And did you?” Jack asked. The grimace on Eret’s face said enough.

“I did, but what am I going to even do with them?” he groaned. “None of us have the same Flames as we did before! And the worst part is that the Vongola still doesn’t know about it!”

“Which is why I said we should build penises!” Quackity threw his hands up. “It makes for the perfect decoy and it’ll distract them enough for us to just yeet the Vongola rings into the sea!”

“The whole Underworld will be nipping at our heels if we do that!”

“Okay, stop fighting, I have an idea,” Jack quickly stopped them. The two turned to him.

“And what’s your idea?” Eret asked.

“Boys,” Jack smirked. “How do we feel about running a scam?”

“Technoblade, my guy!” Schlatt cheered. Techno paused in planting his potato plants in the garden behind Naminori Middle, looking up to face the other.

“What do you want?” he asked bluntly.

“I need you to do something for me, Technoblade,” Schlatt stated. “And I have something you'll like.”

“Can’t you just ask Wilbur? Or, hell, even Dream or something.”

“Wilbur’s busy trying to pretend he can play a student,” Schlatt waved a hand dismissively. “And Dream’s currently trying to woo back Fundy, or whatever.”

“...I thought Dream had something with George.”

“I thought so too, but as it turned out, loverboy's ‘marriage’ to Ninja still stands, despite Ninja disappearing and never coming back,” Schlatt rolled his eyes. “But I’m not here to discuss marriages or romance! No, I need your help.”

Techno sighed, standing up. “Alright, I’m gonna need to know who I’m killing before I accept your deal. And also whatever you’re trying to give me.”

“You’re not killing anyone,” Schlatt laughed. “No, I just need you to threaten a couple of people for this plan I have.”

“Boring, but fine,” Techno tossed off his gloves. “But what could you offer me that will make me threaten whoever you want me to threaten?”

“Well, because I have important information about CEDEF,” Schlatt hummed. “You know, the group that Wilbur’s ‘father’ works at as a leader? The one that kind of operates as a government?”

“A government, you say?” Techno’s grin was almost maniacal in nature. “Give me names.”

“Why are we spying on them again?” Callahan sighed as he hid behind a bush watching Fundy and Dream. Beside him, Skeppy shushed him.

“Because Bad said so,” he replied quietly, watching Fundy throw his hands up in the air as he gestured wildly to a Dream who actually looked mildly fearful for once. “And because them having a wedding would be so funny.”

“Funny as in you don’t care about their relationship or funny as in you get to tease them for the rest of their lives?”

“The second one, duh,” Skeppy rolled his eyes. “I’m not cruel.”

“That sounds extremely fake but whatever you say,” Callahan turned back to the drama happening in front. Fundy had calmed down, and now Dream was talking. 

He couldn’t hear clearly, but Dream was saying something about demons and rituals which, well. Callahan wasn’t going to judge if Dream or Fundy decided to be interested in witchcraft.

“What the fuck is a dreamon?” Skeppy muttered, and he had to agree with him there. “Wait, don’t answer that. Wait, oh my god. Oh my god.”

Dream knelt in front of Fundy, both hands cradling one hand of the shocked man. Dream spoke too lowly for the two to hear, but whatever he had said, it made Fundy decide to help him up.

They watched as Dream took Fundy’s hand and gently led him off. Skeppy sighed and pouted.

“Damn, I didn’t get any cool blackmail,” he sighed disappointedly.

“Well tough luck,” Callahan shrugged as he stood up and headed away. “I’m leaving.”

“Wait up for me, you bastard!”

HBomb was chatting with Karl and Sam when his phone started ringing again.

“Damn, you keep on getting interrupted by that thing, haven’t you?” Sam commented.

“Pick it up,” Karl suggested. “And put it on speaker too.”

HBomb did just that as he answered the call, only to regret it when the first noise that came from the other end was a loud scream.

“AAAARRRGGHHH,” Squalo cried, his scream almost making HBomb drop his phone. “WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT STUPID KID?!”

“Squalo, calm down,” HBomb winced as Sam and Karl covered their ears. “What kid?”

“Sawada’s spawn, who else?”

“Oh, you mean Tsuna?” HBomb blinked and quickly checked the time. “He’s at school.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE’S AT _SCHOOL_?!”

“Is he always like that?” Karl asked quietly when the call ended. HBomb nodded.

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“So the rumours were true after all,” Sam murmured. Karl perked up.

“Rumours? What rumours?”

HBomb and Sam shared a look. Before proceeding to tell Karl every single last rumour about the shark-toothed right hand of the Varia.


	7. Varia Arc: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate the little blue line that appears in docs whenever it thinks you made a mistake. like no F off please I know I’m stupid but I’m not changing shit

“Okay, so first we have to set up the company,” Callahan announced to the group he had gathered. “First problem, we don’t have a base we can use. Second problem, we don’t have a theme for our company. Third problem, how are we gonna become successful?”

“We could make a business company,” Ponk offered up. “It’s reliable, at least.”

“We’re all dumbasses here, that won’t work,” Jack said. “Anyways, what makes you think we have the patience to negotiate deals without stabbing someone?”

“A technological company then?” Alyssa suggested. “I mean, some of us are pretty good at tech.”

“Redstone isn’t the same as this world’s technology, though,” HBomb said.

Soon, people were shouting over one another and giving their ideas only to be shot down by someone else a moment later. Callahan looked like he was regretting taking the stage.

“I have an idea!” Tubbo suddenly burst out, looking more excited than anyone else. “It’s a good one, I promise.”

“Well, take the stage, then,” Callahan clapped as Tubbo stepped up to the front, a bright grin on his face.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Tubbo took out a book, an expression of pure delight on his face. “Have you heard about dreamons?”

“A truce,” Wilbur said to Xanxus when the other stepped into the meeting room. It was the first thing he had said, and it worked well enough to cause the Varia Sky’s face to morph into confusion. “You can get Vongola, and I’ll work with you to make that happen. Don’t you want that?”

HBomb managed to set up a meeting between the Varia and their group, after cashing in on a few favours. Clearly, the Varia had been expecting a different version of him, because they certainly looked surprised when they saw Wilbur sitting on a sofa, with Tommy and Tubbo beside him, Niki and Fundy on the armchairs, Techno and Phil standing behind, and Eret sitting cross-legged on the floor.

Xanxus’ face twisted in some sort of angry emotion, but a whisper from a guy with a pretty ugly pompadour made him calm down. He and the rest of the Varia took a seat.

“Don’t break the sofa,” Techno spoke up quietly, his voice dangerous despite its volume. Xanxus laughed.

“And who are you to tell me what to do?” he questioned. “But you’re not important here; Sawada-trash, why a truce?”

“I just don’t want to inherit the Vongola,” Wilbur shrugged carelessly. “And I think you’d be a pretty good leader. So I’m making a truce.”

“Heh. Don’t tell me you’re trying to run away, trash,” Xanxus snorted. “I get that Sawada’s spawn would be as bad as him, but not this bad.”

“You wouldn’t be thinking that in a while,” Phil said calmly, not flinching when all of Varia's attention turned to him.

“Oi!” ugly pompadour guy yelled. “What’s that supposed to mean?! You wanna die?!”

Wilbur stayed silent, knowing Phil would have his head if he messed up the plan. Everyone did the same.

“What kind of Sky are you, even?” Xanxus arched a brow when no one moved to defend Phil. “To not defend your Guardian when they are threatened?”

When Tommy and Tubbo had announced their plan, Wilbur was reluctant to go along with it. After all, no one in their group had bonded, much less used their Flames that much. But now, staring at the Varia, he felt satisfaction knowing what he was about to say would be nothing like they expected.

“Oh?” he asked, leaning back, as his friends grinned. “But Xanxus-san, I’m not a Sky.”

There was a long pause.

“...what the fuck.”

“I was never a Sky,” Wilbur continued. He gestured to Phil and Tommy, who both straightened up and lit up their hands with orange Flames, with Tommy having smaller Flames compared to Phil. “But I am Ryouhei’s Cloud, and I am Haru’s Storm. And since I do need to be a Sky to inherit, I suppose the Vongola throne’s all left to you now, isn’t it?”

The Varia gaped at them. Nearby, Fundy started snickering quietly. Tommy didn’t bother to hide his laughter, and neither did Tubbo.

“That’s impossible,” Mammon spoke up flatly. “All of my sources have said that you were a Sky, and with you being of Sawada Iemitsu’s lineage and blood there’s no way you could’ve turned out as anything _but_ a Sky.”

“I won’t jump to conclusions so easily,” Eret spoke up. They smiled mockingly. “After all, Sealing a Sky does have its side-effects, as you would’ve probably heard of.”

“And also,” Niki said before anyone else could jump in. “It’s rare to Seal a Sky, isn’t it? Almost unheard of? Haven't you considered the possibility that the side-effects would differ for everyone?”

It became a mini stare-down between Wilbur and Xanxus as the others argued in the background. Finally, after a long time, Xanxus barked out a laugh. He leaned forwards.

“You’re interesting, trash,” he grinned with sharp teeth. “Fine, let’s make an alliance.”

Wilbur beamed, sitting forwards as well. “I think this will be the beginning of a very interesting partnership, Xanxus-san.”

“Oregano.”

Quackity absolutely did not almost shriek as he whirled around to face his ‘leader’.

“You were supposed to report back to me days ago,” unlike the air-headed persona he portrayed himself as in front of the others, the Sawada Iemitsu who led CEDEF was staring at him coldly. “You better have an excuse before I demote you.”

Quackity would’ve answered with some bullshit he made up on the spot, but Sawada didn’t even let him have a chance to continue talking.

“And don’t think I didn’t see you hanging around my son,” he said. “You may be part of the CEDEF, but if you even hurt a single hair on his head…”

“What, like you even cared about him in the first place?” Quackity snorted, silencing the other.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, I don’t?” Quackity laughed. “Please, man, anyone with a brain can see that you only care about him to push up your own power. I mean, what better way to secure power than to use your own _son_ to push yourself higher in the bitch list?”

There was a knife jabbed to his throat. “Don’t make me make you disappear,” Iemitsu told him flatly.

“Like you could,” Quackity taunted back. “You don’t know what I have.”

“Are you really going to kill him in broad daylight? Even in an alleyway?”

The knife was retracted as Schlatt stepped beside Quackity. “Sawada, aren’t you a fucking idiot.”

“Lancia,” Sawada responded coolly. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you either.”

“Right,” Schlatt rolled his eyes. “Listen here, you poor excuse of a leader. You haven’t been here for like, ten years, so if you think you know your son better than we do, you’re absolutely wrong.”

“He’s my son!” Sawada snapped.

“Yeah, your son who you’ve haven’t seen in years, and who didn’t recognise you when you first appeared,” Quackity said mockingly. “He told us about it, too. You clearly deserve it, if you can’t even spare one day to go visit the son whose Flames you Sealed.”

Sawada stiffened. “I don’t know what-”

“Oh, look at the nerve of this asshole!” Schlatt laughed. He turned to Quackity. “Come on, let’s leave. Tsuna’s looking for us to help him plan something. We don’t wanna spend too much time with this idiot, anyway.”

They left Sawada behind in the alleyway. Quackity sighed.

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” he cut off Schlatt. “Let’s just go back for now.”

Karl leaned on his arm boredly as he listened to his teacher drone on and on. Unlike most of the others, he had an actual family in this, and since he was technically still 13 he needed to go to school.

The only good thing he got out of this was that he managed to pull a reluctant Sam and Punz into his school as well, after their ‘well-thought’ backstory of being thrown out of their house by their parents when asked why they kept on staying at Karl’s place backfired on them.

Sam was busy sketching in his notebook — something which looked suspiciously similar to a dynamite — and he was also three seats in front of him, so Karl couldn’t really talk to him. Punz would be here too, but he had disappeared off, so Karl was alone with his thoughts and the worksheet in front of him.

He sighed again, softly so his teacher wouldn’t notice and call him out publicly. By chance, he glanced out the window and-

‘Are… are the others trying to build a _dick_?!’ he stared in disbelief at the surprisingly large nuke in the distance, especially since it couldn’t have been built more than a day ago. He squinted closer. ‘Are they trying to build a _dick-shaped building_?!’

“Miura Hatsu!”

Karl yelped and turned back to face the teacher, who was staring at him annoyed. The whole class was, actually. He shrunk back into his seat with a wince.

“Yes, sir?”

“I asked you a question,” the teacher tapped the whiteboard, glaring at him. “What happened to our protagonist in chapter 13?”

“Uh,” Karl raced through what he knew about the book they had been reading, which was basically nothing. On a whim, he blurted out, “I think there’s a dick-shaped building outside.”

The teacher looked at him incredulously, but when the other students sitting beside the windows started shouting out affirmatives as well, he started to try and control the class as they all rushed to the windows to check.

“Oh my god,” Sam whispered from behind Karl, making him jump. “I think that’s for the company we’re starting, isn’t it?”

“I didn’t think of that,” Karl admitted. He was mostly focused on the fact that the others had the balls to build a dick, and that everyone else would just allow them to do so.

While the others were distracted, his phone started to ring. Karl picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Karl,” Punz’s voice came from the other side. “How fast can you get here. I think we need some extra help on the building.”

“You mean the dick,” Karl took a glance at the building, and there was already a fire started on it.

“Yes, the dick. So how fast can you come here? Because you might need to pick up Purpled on the way, and we need him here now.”

“We’ll be there in five minutes,” Sam quickly cut the line, before tugging Karl up. “Come on, let’s go before anyone notices.”

“What should I get him?” Dream paced back and forth in the room. “I don’t think Fundy would like poems, and I’m shit at writing them. What flowers does he like? He likes… he likes blue ones, right? Oh my god he’s my fiancé and I don’t even know his-”

“Dream, with all due respect,” George sighed tiredly from where he laid on the floor, back facing the ceiling. “Shut the fuck up, you idiot.”

“I can’t shut up! Our date’s tomorrow night!” Dream screeched near-hysterically. “And after everything I’ve done I need to prove myself to him!”

“Just take him to a date out of Naminori,” Sapnap fanned himself with a stack of papers, dressed in a sleeveless white shirt and grey shorts. “So you guys don’t inevitably get distracted by the dick building.”

“Okay, but what do I bring him?” Dream walked back and forth faster. “I mean, I don’t wanna give him anything that I could easily get, because he’ll think I’m not being serious, but I can’t plan for anything too grand because he doesn’t like that kind of stuff.”

“Ask Niki or Alyssa,” Sapnap suggested. “Maybe they know something about it.”

“That’s sexist, Sapnap.”

“Both of them are literally two of the best people in our group to go to for advice, what the fuck do you mean I’m being sexist?!”

“Can you both just shut up, I’m trying to sleep,” George groaned, still in the same position.

“Do you want me to turn down the heat?” Antfrost called from where he controlled the heat of the temperature training room they were in. He wasn’t sure why they decided to do this, but according to Dream it had something to do with a deal with the Varia and a battle, and he wasn’t about to ask any more than that.

“No,” was the reply all three of them gave Antfrost.

“Alright,” he sighed, and lounged back on his chair to check on the construction of the Dreamon Dick Construction, or just DDC, as dubbed by Tubbo, through vaguely panicked texts.

“It’s here, right?” Skeppy looked up at the small antique shop in a small corner of Naminori. “Doesn’t look like too much.”

“Don’t judge a book by its cover,” Bad quoted. “Besides, the most powerful people like to hide behind a simple cover.”

“Like the Badlands?”

“Like the Badlands.” Bad smiled. “You want to go first, Skeppy? Or should I go?”

“No, I’ll go,” Skeppy pushed past Bad, snickering at the other when he let out an indignant sound.

The inside of the shop barely looked like anything worth mentioning; it just looked like any other antique shop anywhere in the world. It was cluttered, dusty, overly expensive, chattering to a very specific group of people, and if one of them so much as stumbled and fell, it would cost millions in repair and replacements.

It was a good thing they didn’t come for the antiques then. No, they came for the man standing behind the counter.

“How can I help you?” the god, Kawahira, asked them politely. Bad came through the door.

“Stop pretending,” Skeppy rolled his eyes as he marched up to the counter. “We know who you are, Checkerface. And we’re here to tell you something.”

“Is that so?” Kawahira didn’t even look bothered. He took another sip of the tea on the table. “Well, what is it?”

“Don’t you dare do anything to our group,” Skeppy told him flatly. “You don’t know us, and if we get lucky you’ll never know how we came to be us. Leave us alone, and go back to wallowing in your misery or whatever.”

“We’re keeping an eye on you muffin,” Bad said casually, but there was a glint in his eyes that made Skeppy shiver, even if it wasn’t directed at him. “Come on, let’s go.”

Skeppy nodded and followed Bad out of the little antique shop without giving a goodbye to the god. As he did so, he felt eyes on his back, and knew it was Kawahira.

Whatever that old man was planning to do, they would be ready for it. At least, he hoped they were.


	8. Varia Arc: Part Two-And-A-Half

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the language and phrasing in here is,,,,, ://///
> 
> so anyways this is kind of a filler?? in a way? anyway if you spot any weird language or phrasing please let me know because I’m very tired as of the time I’m uploading this

“Hey, Reborn. You know, we haven’t asked about it,” Reborn stiffened as one of the chaos bringers — Yamamoto, if he remembered correctly, since a lot of them acted and looked the same anyways — called out to him.

He sighed and turned to face the other, who was swinging his legs back and forth as he sat on the table. “Talk.”

“Why are you a toddler?”

Reborn stared him dead in the eye. “Ask Mammon.”

Yamamoto pouted. “But they always ask for favours and all.”

“I won’t give you the answers you want,” he dismissed the other, turning back to sip his coffee. “Besides, your group has more connections to them than I do. Or ask Skull, whichever fits.”

Luckily, Yamamoto didn’t seem to want to bother sticking around, because he immediately hopped off from the table to run out the door. “Who wants to go on a manhunt with me?!”

As the door slammed shut, Reborn put down his cup of coffee, and stared at the swirling liquid.

When he came to Naminori, he thought he knew what he was getting into. Train the civilian, clumsy and naive son of Sawada Iemitsu into becoming the next heir of Vongola. A simple mission, one he had already done before.

At first, it had gone as he expected. He took pleasure in frightening the young pre-teen, annoyed him to the best of his abilities, and when the time came for it, he loaded a Flame Bullet and shot it at Tsunayoshi.

But the moment he fired that bullet, when it connected, and the Flames burst out… 

His grip tightened on his cup’s handle. His mouth curved into a frown.

Something had changed. Something clearly very important, because the formerly weak and clumsy Tsunayoshi managed to knock him out, and when he woke up, it was to the eyes of more people than Tsunayoshi had ever interacted with, some of which had previously not even been in the same country, all staring at him. 

It was unnerving. It was also very much outside of normal behaviour.

The Kokuyo Gang weren’t supposed to joke and laugh around and fight against the Vindice and win so easily. Gokudera Hanabi wasn’t supposed to be so kind and soft-hearted and full of love. Blanche wasn’t supposed to be so innocent and oblivious and naive. Dino Cavallone — his own former student — wasn’t supposed to be more of a follower than a leader, nor act so shamelessly. I-pin, Fon’s little student, wasn’t supposed to be half a decade older than he was before.

None of their Flames were supposed to change — some of them weren’t even supposed to _develop_ their Flames at all. They weren’t supposed to be so tight-knit, not when most of them barely knew each other before.

They were not the same people they used to be, that was for sure.

The question was: what changed? Was it the Flame Bullet? Had it caused some sort of shockwave through their minds? Or maybe it could’ve been the Seal that caused something.

Reborn did not like having all the answers. He did not like being left in the dark, but it seemed that the group he had been ‘supervising’ were intent on keeping him in the unknown.

He took another sip of his coffee.

He would lay low, then. Pretend to go along with everything easily. Then, slowly but surely, he would ask little questions, and piece together the clues himself.

After all, the answers wouldn’t come if he asked directly.

“What?!”

Romario was flabbergasted. Shocked silent. Stunned. Whatever word or words out there that could describe shock and surprise? That was what he was feeling now.

“I promised I wouldn’t lie,” Dino said calmly, looking like a total opposite of what Romario was feeling right now. “And I didn’t. You have to believe me, Romario.”

Romario pinched his arm to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. He wasn’t, based on the pain that came. He took a deep breath.

“So what you’re saying is that you and all the others you’ve been hanging out have actually come from another dimension. You as a group have fought two wars against each other, some just straight up not participating at all. You can all just literally die and ‘respawn’, or come back alive with any cost, just a few scars and the temporary loss of your items.

A small group out of your… ‘Dream Es-Em-Pee’ made a country called ‘L’manburg’ all because they wanted to sell… drugs? Then they won independence, but only because your youngest member was shot at and traded his prized possessions for it. Then, the president — who is now Vongola’s _heir_ — decided to hold a rigged ‘election’, only for it to backfire on him by virtue of someone else — who you say is _Lancia_ — winning instead, and banishing him and the same youngest member out of their own country.

Then, it was a war to get their country back. In the process, the president of ‘Manburg’, renamed after he won the election, made his own secretary, who’s one of the younger members of your whole group, build his own execution; your local anarchist — who is now the Storm Arcobaleno Fon’s _nephew_ — killed almost everyone, _twice_ ; the former president went mad and blew up the whole country almost immediately after winning it back, only to get killed by his own… father. There were also various occasions of neglect, PTSD-inducing incidents, several war crimes, betrayal, 

And somehow, you all decided to just… forgive each other? Like that? And also, your ‘family lines’ are weird and branching off everywhere, and almost everyone has flirted with each other, no matter age or gender. And after apparently making up, you decided that, while your ‘server’ was healing, that the best way to pass time would be to go to another dimension, steal a bunch of people’s bodies, and just… continue on?”

“Yes for all of that except the last part,” Dino — was he even Romario’s Dino anymore? — said. He sighed.

“We were kind of ‘transmigrated’ here,” he explained. “We didn’t steal anyone’s bodies, and we most definitely did not erase their existence. It’s more of that we just combined, in a way. The only way we will get back to our own land again is if all of us die. We’re still who we were before, just…”

Romario couldn’t wrap his head around it. Still, he did his best to compose himself, calm himself down, pretend everything was alright. He looked at his lap, noticing his fists clenched in the fabric of his pants.

He did his best to ignore the nagging thought in his head that said he would never get his Dino back again.

A hand put on his shoulder startled him. He looked up to face Dino, who had now stood up and was crouching in front of him.

“This is why I never wanted to tell you,” he said quietly. “This is why we never wanted to tell anyone. I only told you because you would’ve figured it out anyway.”

“You shouldn’t have.”

Dino sighed. He stood up, and offered a hand.

“I won’t be the same person I was before,” he smiled sadly. “But I hope I can still be a good friend or a boss to you. Whichever you’d prefer.”

Romario looked at the hand. And took it.

Xanxus leaned on the palm of his hand as he sat on his throne.

When he received the news that the CEDEF’s leader’s son wanted an audience with him, he was not expecting to be offered a truce, nor to get the private information that Sawada Tsunayoshi was not a Sky. 

No, instead, he belonged to _two_ Skies, with his two Flames. It was strange, considering how insistent Mammon was on the fact that Sawada Tsunayoshi was _definitely_ a Sky, especially considering his lineage.

And now he was in a truce with the kid, in a plot to make sure Xanxus got to inherit the Vongola, while he would get to sit back from the Underworld as he and his group did whatever they wanted to do.

But some things couldn’t be avoided with it, one of which being the Ring Battles.

Vongola Nono had the rings. And because of Xanxus and Sawada Tsunayoshi being themselves, they had to fight with their Guardians against each other.

He had to admit, he was excited to see how it would all play out, especially since Sawada Tsunayoshi and his little group’s Flames would be nothing like the old bastard expected.

His mouth curved upwards into a smirk. 

“Well, Sawada Tsunayoshi,” he murmured, standing up with a glint in eye, as he made his way to head outside.

“Let’s see how you and your little group fare against mine in a fair battle.”

Byakuran snapped out of his trance, and almost immediately, banged his fist on the table so harshly it formed a crack.

He took in a deep breath, and buried his head in his hands.

The timeline was going so well. Just like all of his alternate universes, he would blend the Millefiore and conquer the world, and he would let the other puppets be led along their fated strings, to play right into his hands.

And after that, he would see what happened. After all, it wasn’t fun if you were the puppeteer all the time, and Byakuran loved to have fun.

That was what was supposed to happen, at least, until whatever happened when the Sun Arcobaleno fired the Flame Bullet at the Vongola Decimo.

He could still remember the moment as clear as if it was yesterday.

He had been stuffing marshmallows into his mouth, enjoying another carefree day, when an agonising headache appeared on him, and he had to spend over three hours in agonising pain.

When that was done, he immediately headed to the meeting room with the other Byakurans to ask what happened, only to be met with even more confusion.

He was the first, and possibly only Byakuran to have had this happen to him. And it was annoying.

But whatever had happened, he had to sit back and wait. See if anything else would happen. He ordered his minions to be on alert, wherever in the world they were. And oh, did something else happen. 

From Italy to China to Japan, different individuals seemingly just up and left to head to a specific place in Japan. More specifically, they left to head to _Naminori_. Where the future Vongola Decimo was situated. It was amusing and infuriating at the same time.

Not only that, but Spanner and Shoichi had disappeared from Italy, definitely to head to Naminori, where the Vongola Tenth Generation was settled, along with some additions.

And ever since then, there had been chaos in the Underworld. A group of ragtag individuals, powerful and chaotic, wreaked havoc on an unsuspecting Mafia Land. Mafioso who before would’ve never been spotted together, laughing and joking around with each other. The Vindice, for once since they first appeared, _defeated_.

The Underworld was quickly spiralling into anarchy, and on better days Byakuran would’ve been delighted at it. Perhaps he would’ve joined in on it, even.

But not in this universe. No, not when his reign was being threatened.

He snarled, and angrily ripped open another bag of marshmallows.

He would tear down the newly forming group. He would bid his time, and when it came, he would crush them so harshly they wouldn’t _dare_ fight back again.

Yes, that was a good plan. He ate one of the marshmallows and smiled.

Now, he would enjoy his marshmallows. And perhaps pay a visit to the little future leader of the Giglio Nero; it had been long since he had talked to Yuni, anyways.

Kawahira wasn’t one for fancy words or actions. No, he’d rather lie in the shadows and wait.

He sat on his chair behind the counter of his antique shop. The clock on the wall ticked slowly to the next second. The sunlight from the outside shone in from the curtains.

A calming scene. One that didn’t mirror his current feelings.

The little, one-sided meeting with Belphegor and Blanche was rather enlightening. The two of them, who shouldn’t have liked each other, much less having met this early on in the timeline, had clearly bonded with each other.

It was interesting, especially when they had previously barely known of each other.

He had seen the group they were in all around town. He had watched them make plans of a company, seen them talking and hanging around with each other at different times. 

Their friendship was strong and true, sure, but more importantly, it was out of the blue. Finding out about them was, to him, like waking up to see a new red pimple on his face when he previously had a clear face. They weren’t meant to meet; their current selves just simply weren’t meant to exist.

He wasn’t a fool, as much as others would believe. He didn’t just continue as a god and oversee the Arcobalenos without gaining knowledge as he wandered the world, after all.

The clock ticked. The birds from outside chirped. In the distance, the sounds of construction and shouting were heard.

Kawahira sighed. It wouldn’t matter what this particular group decided to do; in the end, the timeline would go exactly to plan, whether they liked it or not.


	9. Varia Arc: Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flower meanings bc they’re cool:
> 
> Daffodils: new beginnings, forgiveness  
> Purple lilacs: new/first love  
> Gladiolus: infatuation, integrity
> 
> anyway slightly shorter chapter than normal. also the next chapter might take an extra day to come out because fight scenes,,,, or maybe not. depends.

The Varia and Wilbur with his small group were having a meeting again. After discussing a few extra details about the terms of their truce, and changing and negotiating a few details and things, they moved onto the Ring Battles. 

“The Cervello,” Mammon began explaining grudgingly. “Are judges for mafia battles. They are an all-female organisation that, no matter who they support, will never be biased. They will be the judges for the Ring Battles, since they are currently allied with Vongola.”

Wilbur nodded, not all that concerned about the Cervello. “So for the Ring Battles, one of each Flame type will go against another of the same Flame type. What happens if one side doesn’t have one specific Flame Guardian but the other team does?”

“Then someone else will have to be called in,” Mammon grimaced. “Which is what will happen with us for the Cloud Flame.”

“Tch,” Xanxus grumbled. “Don’t feel comfortable yet, trash. We made sure our replacement Cloud is Varia-quality.”

“Hmm,” Wilbur hummed. “Alright, thanks for the information. Both of our sides treat this as a sort of training battle, yeah?”

“Of fucking course,” Xanxus stood up with a grin. “You better meet my expectations, brat.”

With that statement, he and Mammon left the room, leaving just Phil, Techno, and the original L’manburg members in it. 

“Well, I’m leaving,” Techno announced. “As much as you all probably want me to stay, there’s some urgent matters in the school that need to be handled like, yesterday.”

“Get rid of the stupid maths teacher!” Wilbur yelled after Techno’s retreating back.

He didn’t reply, but he did give a thumbs up before he walked out and quietly shut the door, and Wilbur relaxed.

“I wanna beat the fuck out of the ugly hairdo guy,” Tommy announced loudly. “Wilbur, let me fight him.”

“You’re a _child_ , Tommy,” Wilbur sighed. 

“Besides, you’ll have to fill in for the Sky Flames,” Phil added apologetically. “Me and Techno have to be with the DDC to get clients and negotiate, so that we can take over the world with the company.”

It probably said a lot about them that they didn’t even blink at that statement, simply just focusing on who would fight against which Flame type.

“Right, so Fundy, Eret — which one of you wants to fight in the Mist Battle?” Wilbur asked. 

“I’ll do it,” Eret responded. “Since that’s the only one I can take.”

“Right, so Eret will be the Mist, I’ll have Cloud, Tommy’s the Sky, Fundy’s the Storm, Tubbo will take Rain, Jack will have Lightning and Niki will be the Sun,” Wilbur finished. “We have a full set! Hooray!”

“We need a few people on lookout during the thing, don’t we?” Jack wondered out loud. “Especially since we don’t know how Vongola Nono will react or what he and his Guardians will do.”

“Phil, is anyone free to help us out?” Niki asked.

Phil thought for a moment, before nodding. “If I remember correctly,” he started. “Dream’s group during the first war should be free.”

“Wait, are they gonna have to play bodyguard for us?” Tubbo tilted his head. Phil shrugged.

“Depends on how things play out, if I’m being honest here.”

Fundy scrunched up his nose. “Does it really have to be them, though?”

“Afraid so.”

“You know what? I don’t care,” Wilbur threw his hands up. “Alright, we need to start planning against the Varia. What do we have on them and their abilities?”

“How’s the company going, guys?” Karl greeted everyone as he made his way into the meeting room of the dick-building, which had been fondly dubbed by everyone as ‘I Love PP 2.0’. 

“The website’s already set up by all the technology geeks in our group,” Callahan said. “All we need to focus on is promoting it, and making sure it stays successful. Although, that’s kind of… uh…”

“He’s trying to say that he regrets following Tubbo’s Dreamon idea because he has no idea how we’re going to get a myth hunting company to be successful without being laughed at,” Ponk called from a far corner of the room, ducking with a short laugh as Callahan hurled a ball of paper to him.

“If he and Fundy weren’t at the meeting for the Ring Battles with the rest of L’manburg, I swear to god-” Callahan muttered.

“I’m sure you’ll all be able to do it!” Karl encouraged him. “Where’s Sapnap, anyway? He’s with Fundy and Tubbo in the whole business, isn’t he?”

“Sapnap’s with all of the Dream Team — except for Bad, he’s out with Skeppy — doing some training,” Purpled said, joining the conversation. “It’s just me, the Kokuyo Gang, and now you in here, since HBomb’s in Italy managing his own Famiglia, and Schlatt and Quackity are also in Italy but for something else.”

“Oh, okay,” Karl nodded. “Do you guys need any help? And where's everyone else then?”

“Alyssa is setting up the social media stuff in another room since she has to focus,” Ponk responded. “Sam and Punz are upstairs trying to make weapons for the, uh, Dreamon hunting and myth hunting in general, based off the plan that Tubbo gave them. And that’s it.”

“It would be nice if you could help me with figuring out potential clients though,” Callahan added. “Since Ponk is already looking up companies we can contact, and Purpled is… actually, what are you doing?”

“I’m drafting up a letter to Fon-shifu,” Purpled said, turning his computer around to show them the document on his screen with a few paragraphs already on it. “I’m trying to figure out a way to explain to him without revealing anything.”

“Well, you do that,” Callahan nodded. “Alright, Karl. You wanna help?”

“Sure!” Karl replied brightly, heading over to stand at Callahan’s side. “Um, okay, I don’t think we should contact that guy…”

Passerbys weaved and walked by the four people awkwardly standing in groups of two on a street side in Florence, Italy. One duo was leading a dog by her leash, who looked up at her new owners curiously. The other duo was carrying thick, black suitcases on both hands.

“What are you doing here?!” Skeppy exclaimed, as Bad quickly picked up their newly adopted dog, who was named Alalyn. Said dog eagerly accepted it, and cuddled into Bad’s arms.

“What are we doing here? What are you doing here?!” Schlatt snapped, though with no malice behind it, as he adjusted his grip on his suitcases. Beside him, Quackity had given up on carrying them properly, and had somehow managed to stuff them into his thick backpack, which looked a few moments away from bursting.

“We came here to adopt this little darling,” Bad revealed, petting Alalyn lightly. “Because I thought it would be nice for us to have a pet! We were just heading back, actually,”

“We needed stuff,” Quackity responded bluntly. “And we got the stuff, so we’re heading back now.”

“Oh!” Bad said, his tone surprised. “What flight are you catching? We could head back together!”

“We didn’t,” Schlatt said flatly. “We teleported.”

To any outsiders, they would just assume he was joking. But the four knew the existence of Flames, and Bad and Skeppy knew his words were probably true.”

“Are you sure you still have the ability to, old man?” Skeppy taunted. “I mean, look at the way you’re trying to carry everything you have.”

“Shut the fuck up, bitch,” Schlatt groaned, ignoring Bad’s yell that soon followed. “You’re probably worse with it. You don’t even have it!”

“Yeah, well, we have a better one!” Skeppy yelled. “Follow us!”

And without so much of a warning, he tugged Bad along, tuning out his protests, not looking back to check if Quackity and Schlatt were following them or not.

They all needed to head back anyways, and heading back together would save time. Also, Skeppy would be able to prove to that stupid ram that his way was better than his.

It was evening. The Sun was starting to set. And in a house located within Naminori, near the Naminori Kindergarten, a certain someone was preparing for a date.

“I don’t think I’ve been this nervous, ever; not even in our Manhunts,” Dream admitted as he shifted from foot to foot nervously. Antfrost, who was doing some last-minute touches onto Dream’s outfit, smiled at him reassuringly.

“You’ll be fine,” he encouraged the other. “You’re Dream, you can do this. We’re all rooting for you. You got this.”

Dream wore a simple but classy long-sleeved white collared shirt under a dark green vest, all buttoned up. A bow tie was tied perfectly just below the collar of the shirt. Along with a brown leather belt, he wore black slacks with white cuffs. His shoes were black with a little heel on the soles of them. He looked like the kind of date you’d bring to meet your parents, and they would approve of him.

Still, despite his appearance and every sign pointing to his success, he looked worried and anxious.

“I know, but there’s just- there’s just so many what-ifs and what-woulds that I just can’t stop worrying!” Dream groaned.

“Oh shut up!” George called from where he sat on the sofa. “You’re gonna do great, and you’re gonna woo that furry’s ass off! Now shut the fuck up and let me focus!”

“Upvote!” Sapnap yelled. “You’ll be fine, dude. Just tell us how it went later on!”

Antfrost smiled gently, stepping back. “There, perfect. We’re all rooting for you, now go get your love.”

Dream smiled at his friends. “Thanks, guys” he breathed out, picking up the bouquet of daffodils, purple lilacs, and gladiolus. “Wish me luck!”

He ran out of the door. As the door slammed shut, the other three in the house all looked at each other and let out a collective sigh.

“Here’s to hoping nothing fucks their date up,” George said.

HBomb was calmly drinking his coffee in his office as he worked. He had been called back to handle all the paperwork he had been avoiding for the past week. He was almost done, so he should be able to head back to Naminori tomorrow.

He sighed as he put the cup down. It was kind of hard and boring, having to just sit here and do paperwork. He would’ve brought someone with him, but everyone was busy, and he didn’t think his ‘father’ would be happy with him doing so. Not that he cared, but he had to make sure he wouldn’t just decide to disown him; the SMP still needed the funding, after all.

He was busy with the second last pile of paperwork when there was a knock on the door. He looked up as someone came in.

“Sir!” one of his subordinates came into the office and bowed. “I have urgent news for you, sir!”

“Report,” HBomb said. He was still kind of new to being a boss, but it seemed to be working out so far. No one had tried to make any sort of revolution, at least, so it must mean that he was doing good.

“Vongola Nono’s plane has arrived at Japan, sir!” the subordinate glanced down at the papers held in their hand and let out a small wince. “And apparently, the plane crashed on a secluded sea shore, near a forest leading to a small town called Naminori.”

‘That’s the place Fundy and Dream were having their date at,’ his mind supplied him with the unwanted information. HBomb nearly spit his coffee out. He hastily stood up.

“How long ago was it?”

“Just a few minutes ago, one of our messengers caught the message early and sent it back as fast as possible.”

“Tell my father I’m leaving, I’ll handle the rest of the paperwork tomorrow,” he quickly ran out of the office, ignoring his subordinate’s shouts, or the other yells from everyone he passed by.

HBomb needed to hop onto a plane and get to Naminori as fast as possible, before anything worse could happen.

“Fucking hell, Dream. Fucking hell, Fundy,” he muttered. “God, and here I thought your relationship couldn’t get more fucked up.”

He hoped he would be able to get there to do some negotiations before Vongola Nono decided to straight up murder Dream, anyway. Fundy was alright. Maybe.

‘Oh, damn it all!’


	10. Varia Arc: Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just realised my chapters are slowly but surely getting shorter.... so sorry about that,,,,
> 
> anyways I am stretching this way long than it should be, it’s already longer than the Daily Life Arc,,,, hhhhhhhhhh 
> 
> but I hope you enjoy this!!

“Guys, guys, guys!” Skeppy burst into the meeting room of the DDC, panting. “I have bad news.”

“What could possibly be worse than the fact that fucking Vongola Nono’s plane crashed near us?!” George snapped as he scrolled through his phone. In fact, others were also on their phone, on the group chat where Dream and Fundy were live-texting their experience.

“The Ring Battles have been pushed forwards! And guess what? It’s happening tomorrow.”

Wilbur choked and wheezed. “Wait, what?!”

“I’m not lying,” Skeppy snapped. “I just got the news from Squalo since I’m still, you know, Prince the Ripper Belphegor of the Varia! But they’re planning on using Naminori Middle School for it, so Techno-”

“I hate this,” Techno said flatly as he stood up and, without further prompting, jumped out the window, probably to inform his Disciplinary Commitee about the change.

“We didn’t even train!” Tubbo yelled out. 

The room was quickly turning into pandemonium, and without hesitation, Skeppy quickly grabbed Bad’s arm and dragged him out, ignoring his protests.

“I’ll let you know if there’s any extra information!” he yelled in before shutting the door.

“Schlatt?” Karl’s voice made Schlatt freeze in his tracks. “What are you doing?”

Schlatt turned around, knowing he probably looked like a deer in headlights. He was dressed in a business suit, a gun fastened to his belt and a knife tucked neatly into the holster strapped to his arm.

“What are _you_ doing?” he said on reflex, going on the defensive by nature. Karl looked startled, but quickly composed himself.

“Everyone else is helping out the original L’manburg and getting ready for the Vongola,” he frowned. “I came to search for you when I realised you weren’t around.”

“You look like you’re planning to leave,” a new voice called out. Schlatt sighed as Quackity stared at him in disappointment. “Why won’t you stay and help?”

“I have things to do,” Schlatt replied, packing the last of his things into the bag. “And believe it, it will definitely be beneficial for us. In fact, it’s for the best if I go.”

“Go where?” Quackity asked.

“And when?” Karl continued.

“While the others are busy with the Vongola,” Schlatt began, zipping up his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. “I have an appointment to go to.”

“To where?” Quackity frowned. “Because if you get into any shit that we can’t dig you out of immediately…”

“I’m not that careless, fatass,” Schlatt rolled his eyes, stepping past the two and heading outside. “But you’re free to come along if you want to.”

Karl and Quackity shared a look, before quickly following along.

“You still haven’t told us where you’re going,” Karl said again. “We’re following you to make sure you don’t get into too much trouble or like, accidentally piss off the wrong sorts of people.”

“Do you really want to know?”

“Yes, you bastard!” Quackity groaned.

“Well, gentlemen,” Schlatt grinned darkly, turning around to face them. “We’ll be making a deal with god and his angel.”

Fundy would like to preface his statement in court that he absolutely did not make Vongola Nono and his Guardians’ plane come crashing down, and certainly not next to where he and Dream were having their fucking date.

He and Dream were poorly hiding behind a bunch of bushes. Only vague memories of learning how to hide himself and people around him helped to save them from the full wrath of the Vongola for supposedly crashing their leader’s plane, even though they did absolutely _nothing_.

“So uh,” Dream whispered with a wince from where he was crouching beside him. “The date was nice.”

Fundy looked up from where he was frantically typing into the group chat. His gaze softened, and he nodded with a soft smile.

“Yeah, it was,” he said. “The flowers were a nice touch.”

There was an awkward silence. Well, it wasn’t really much of a silence considering the fact that Vongola Nono and his Guardians were still talking in the background, but just between them in general.

“Don’t get me wrong, Dream, you were really great on our date,” Fundy spoke up when the silence became too long to bear. “But I’m currently panicking a lot right now.”

“Right, yeah,” Dream agreed. “Um, I could make it up to you next time.”

“It’s not your fault, you don’t have to make up for anything.” Fundy responded. “Uh, why don’t we just… watch Treasure Planet?”

Dream had to stifle a laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, let’s watch Treasure Planet, _babe_.”

If anyone said his face was red, they were lying. Fundy did not blush. He did, however, take up Dream on that offer.

“So,” HBomb almost flinched back when he heard Reborn’s voice coming from behind him. “What has your group got planned?”

“Well I’m not telling you anything,” HBomb shrugged, turning around to face the Arcobaleno. “I don’t know anything anyways.”

“I’m not going to tell the Vongola, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Reborn sighed. “I’m affiliated with them, not allied.”

“And I’ve told you already, I don’t know anything that you don’t know,” HBomb told him. “And why are you trying to ask me this when the Vongola and the CEDEF are standing just a few meters away?”

“Chaos,” Reborn simply replied.

HBomb sighed and turned to glance at the other people on the rooftop, all waiting for the contestants to arrive.

“Well,” he began. “I do know something else, though.”

“Which is?”

“If anything happens,” HBomb purposefully lowered his voice so as to not attract unwanted attention from the others. “I suggest you run, because it will get bloody.”

“It can’t get that bloody,” Reborn rolled his eyes. “I’ve been in a mafia for a long time. Whatever you and your group have supposedly been through can't compare.”

“Maybe not in certain areas,” HBomb agreed. “But when it comes to bloodshed, manipulation, being powerful and overthrowing those in power? Well, let’s just say you don’t know what’s happened with us, and we’ll be glad to keep it that way.”

“Alright,” Wilbur stood in front of Fundy, Tommy, Tubbo, Niki, Jack, and Eret. “So we can’t really use our Flames properly since our memories’ Flames are different than our current ones, half of us have stick bodies and arms, and the most any of us have in training would barely even be able to hold up against the Varia.”

“Well we’re not screwed yet,” Tommy tried to lighten up the mood. “I mean, I reckon I could beat that stupid scarred bitch in a fight any day!”

“I hate to tell you this, Tommy,” Fundy told him. “But the Kokuyo Gang is different from us, because their bodies actually have the training for like years now, and their Flames didn’t change much, if at all. We do not. Half of us are civilians, and the other half of us have Flames we don’t know how to use.”

“Plus,” Jack let out a yawn, and sighed. “Not gonna lie, I’m kind of sleepy from all the last-minute night training we did.”

“And we can’t delay it either,” Tubbo frowned. “Because our Flames changed, and then the Vongola will suspect something is wrong and we’re gonna have to dodge their questions and nearly get killed and-”

“Tubbo, wait. I have an idea,” Eret spoke up, interrupting Tubbo with eagerness shown on his face. “You remember all those weapons the Kokuyo Gang have?”

“You mean the ones they used on the Vindice?” Tubbo asked.

Jack’s eyes widened. “Wait, are you suggesting we use them instead of our Flames? Aren’t they like, made to fit us specifically, and don’t exist anywhere else?”

“Well, they never said we had to play fair,” Eret shrugged. “Or that we’d need to use our Flames.”

“That could work!” Niki chimed into the conversation. “But what weapons do we have?”

“Wait!” Tubbo gasped. “I think I saw Sam and the others make some really cool weapons before. We can go ask them!”

“Okay, so our last minute plan is,” Wilbur paused for the dramatic effect, before continuing on with his sentence. “That we grab some weapons, and just charge in with whatever we have.”

“Well it’s not like we have to win every Battle,” Jack stated. “We just need to win four out of seven. And I’m pretty sure Skeppy will just let Fundy grab the thing anyway. Not sure about Cloud, but based on everything it looks like the Sun guy, the Lightning guy are the weakest ones.”

“Also, Phil says I have ‘plot armour’,” Tommy remarked absentmindedly. “He didn’t tell me what that means, but- why are you laughing?! Stop laughing at me!”

“We’re not-” Wilbur choked on his laughter. “We’re not laughing at you.”

“Well you better not be!”.

“Alright, we can do this!” Niki stopped laughing to smile reassuringly at all of them. “We’ll just have to beat four. And we can do it! Just grab the ring, and get out of there!”

“L’manburg, let’s go,” Wilbur placed his hand in the middle, smiling as everyone else did the same.

“L’manburg, let’s go!”

Sapnap scowled as he stood in the darker areas of the rooftop. He was glaring at the back of Sawada Iemitsu’s head, because Sawada was an idiot and a moron.

“They didn’t even give us time to prepare,” he sulked. Beside him, George rolled his eyes and barely resisted smacking him.

“On the bright side, if anything goes wrong and they try attacking our group, we have full ‘permission’ to go haywires.” Alyssa grinned, casually sharpening her knife.

“Yeah, but I’m pretty sure Vongola's smarter than that,” Punz responded. “L’manburg can handle themselves, too. We need to give them credit on that.”

“Sam also gave them the weapons we had made before,” Ponk spoke up quietly. “They’re as armed as they can be.”

“Although,” Antfrost piped up. “Is anyone else getting a feeling that something will go horribly, terribly wrong?”

“Please don’t jinx us,” George deadpanned. “It should be fine, if things go according to plan.”

Sapnap agreed with him. Still, as he scanned the area and found nothing wrong, the feeling that something bad would happen didn’t go away, no matter what he saw or prepared for.

“Sawada Tsunayoshi,” the Cervello called his name, and Wilbur smirked as he strolled up, with Phil, Techno, Dream, Niki, Alyssa, and Purpled beside him.

And for a long while, the adults look pleased, if a little surprised at some of the ‘choices’, almost as if they were expecting this kind of match up of Guardians and their Sky. The Varia, on the other hand, were grinning, clearly knowing what they were going for.

The others were in their places in the shadows, hidden by Mammon’s Flames. They had to bribe them with a few information and money to make them do it, but it all would be worth it in the end.

They stepped forwards, to meet the Varia with their respective Flame types, but just a bit further back than they should’ve stood. It was all for the power move they were about to pull, of course.

Skeppy shot a grin at them. It was time.

Then, before the Cervello could answer the beginning of the Battles like they were about to, they immediately changed places.

Techno, Phil, Dream, Alyssa, and Purpled ducked under and went backwards into the shadowy area of the rooftop as Tommy, Tubbo, Fundy, Eret, and Jack stepped forwards, with Niki and Fundy switching places, and Wilbur stepping aside to let Tommy stand in the middle instead.

“Oh, how silly of me,” Wilbur said innocently, internally cackling at the gobsmacked looks the stupid Vongolas were sending his way. The Varia were snickering as well. “I nearly forgot!”

“Tsuna!” Iemitsu stepped forwards with a frown on his face, but a glare from one of the Cervello made him step back.

“There will be no interfering with the Battles,” the same Cervello stated flatly. “Not even for late or surprising changes.”

Another Cervello glared at them. “Are your changes final?”

“Fuck yeah!” Tommy cheered.

“Very well then,” the Cervello spoke in unison. “Let the Battles begin!”


	11. Varia Arc: Part Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For newcomers: this was started before November 16 2020 — which is like right before the whole Wilbur thing. This was written ignoring everything that has happened after, because it technically does not exist. Also I have not updated this in 2 months but we are ignoring that-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rolls up with a starbucks hot cocoa 2 months later: hey.
> 
> okay I have no defence. I kinda lost motivation and started working on other things, and I don’t know how to write, and everything’s just been a mess but I’m back and I’m planning to update both my khr fics today or tomorrow so hahahaha yeah
> 
> so like, have this thing. it honestly isn’t my best by any means, but I guess I like it, even if I completely skipped past all the fight scenes like a lil bitch :’D also I don’t know how the Varia ring battles went, I have not read it in months, I made all of this up, canon is dead and gone, sorry and help-
> 
> also, yes there are two cervello, they’re just starting the thing at different times. it doesn’t show properly, but some of the battles will end faster, while others will be drawn out

Seven separate places. Seven separate Flame types. All pitted against each other, for a chance to get heirship of a Family.

“This feels like SMP Earth all over again, with the whole factions and conquering the world thing,” Tommy muttered to Tubbo, as they were led to their respective areas. Niki, Eret and Wilbur had already been shown to their areas, and both Jack and Fundy were about to head to theirs. “Except this time, Techno and Phil aren’t around.”

“Are we the Antarctic Empire, then?” Tubbo snickered lightly. “Y’know, being all-powerful and stuff?”

“I’m pretty sure bitch and bitchier can hear you,” Tommy shot a look at Xanxus and Squalo. 

“Well, they can hear you too.”

“Yeah, that’s why I spoke up too, dumbass.”

After a while, Tubbo was led to his own area with Squalo, leaving Tommy with Xanxus as they arrived at their own area. Once again, he cursed his height, since it left him much shorter than him.

“The rules are simple…” Tommy tuned out the droning of the Cervello, having already been briefed on the rules a few hours ago. He wondered what Xanxus’ strategy would be.

“Wait, what’s the prize again?” he found himself asking. “Sorry, didn’t listen or whatever.”

Xanxus stared at him in disgust. The Cervello sighed.

“Collect a ring,” Eret stated flatly. “A _ring_.”

“Not just any ring,” Mammon reminded them. “The Vongola Mist ring.”

“Yes,” Eret nodded, thinking back to their shiny gold crown, back at the Dream SMP, which was used to show their ‘status’ — one that was practicallly void, anyways. “Still a ring.”

“It’s an important ring,” the Cervello spoke up, a hint of disbelief in their voice, as if trying to comprehend how someone from CEDEF could be so nonchalant about the rings.

“Uh huh. An important ring. Right.”

Eret distantly remembered shoving the rings into a Mist-created pocket. They wondered how they would excuse that. Or did they somehow manage to create entirely new rings?

“The rings will be placed in a specific and special spot, and whoever gets it and comes back to your respective areas first, officially wins.”

“This feels like something I would’ve played when I was five,” Eret muttered, causing Mammon to let out a soft puff of breath.

“The battle will begin soon,” the Cervello said. “Please get into positions.”

“Best of luck to you, Lussuria,” Niki said sweetly. Lussuria looked at her in surprise.

“Thanks, but I would warn you that you shouldn’t underestimate me,” Lussuria said.

“Oh, I’m not mocking you,” Niki replied. “I’m just confident. And it is good sportsmanship to not mock the opponent, isn’t it?”

“Get into positions,” the Cervello said emotionlessly. “We will begin the battle now.”

“Three…”

Niki twisted the bracelet around her wrist. It would turn into a gun when she activated the ‘opening’ mechanism. It was one of the weapons she had gotten from Sam and the rest, and she would admit that she was curious to test it out.

“Two…”

Her eyes drifted to the ring, hovering in the air on a pedestal. Plans and strategies ran through her mind. She wasn’t as strong as the others, and Lussuria looked far stronger than her, but perhaps she could find a different way.

“One…”

Her hands burst into yellow Flames. On the other side, Niki could see Lussuria doing the same thing. She wondered what his plan of attack was, if he was even going to attack her from the start at all.

“Go.”

Electricity crackled in the air as Levi charged straight to Jack. In response to that, Jack whipped out a grappling hook, and immediately sent himself flying through the air. Midway through, the piece of cloth he had tied around his arm let loose, and Jack caught the now-transformed water gun with a hand, still flying through the air with the grappling hook.

Water reacted pretty damn murderously with electricity, and Jack was going to abuse that knowledge and his water gun to the fullest as he can.

One flick of the switch on the water gun, and it began absorbing water vapour from the air to transform into water. Or at least, that was what Ponk told him it would do.

Jack just felt lucky that they were fighting on a rooftop, where it was closer to the clouds, and he could thus get more water.

He shot a jet of water onto Levi’s face, just to watch him splutter. He couldn’t really use his Lightning Flames now, but later...

Technically, there was a chance he would kill him. He probably shouldn’t kill a potential ally, but… he was bored. It would be fine. Still, he decided to try not to, just in case.

“Ah, fuck,” he cursed when Levi got a good hit in. He squirted even more water at Levi, and this time, he made sure to cover his arm with Lightning Flames when Levi charged again.

Tubbo dodged the swing of a sword, as he gripped his axe tighter.

“I think you’re stupid!” he yelled, sprinting away and jumping over a stone slab as he tried to outrun Squalo long enough for him to activate his secret weapon.

Rain Flames followed in his path as he tried to slow the other down. He took the stick strapped to his belt out, and started spinning it around. Man, if the others saw him now, they would see him screaming and running away from Squalo with a very long and very sharp sword. 

Tubbo spun around, and got one good slash with his axe, before he had to dodge another attack. Squalo had decided to make his Flames into bullets now, apparently. Some of them hit him, and Tubbo hissed at the pain.

The stick started glowing white, and Tubbo breathed out a sigh as he ran. One moment, he was holding a stick, and the next, a missile appeared in his hand. He was honestly surprised he could still hold it up, but then again, leave it to Sam to make gravity and weight nonexistent.

“No playing around anymore, bitch!” Tubbo yelled, channelling his inner ‘Big Crime’. “Big Crime’s here now, and I’m gonna send this through your fucking head!”

A loud ‘boom’ shook the hall. The chess pieces wobbled, with some of them even falling over, although Skeppy and Fundy quickly put them back in their original places pretty quickly.

“Did you hear that?” Fundy asked, looking around, but finding no sign of damage. “And don’t you dare try to mess up the chess pieces, I can see your hand, Skeppy.”

“Must be one of the others,” Skeppy responded distractedly, moving his pawn one space forward. “Probably someone who brought a bomb in. Fundy, it’s your turn.”

Fundy moved his bishop, and smirked at the checkmate it gave him. “Checkmate.”

His smirk soon dropped when Skeppy moved his Queen out of the way, exchanging it with a rook. “Oh, you fucker!”

“I’m playing to win here,” Skeppy snickered. “Go on, Funderson. Make a wrong move, I dare you. I’ll give you a thousand if you deliberately make a wrong move.”

“Fuck no,” Fundy moved his King three spaces diagonally. “I’m winning this one, diamond boy.”

Skeppy took one of his pawns. In return, Fundy took one of his. Now, they were even. His palms started sweating as he moved his Knight to stand next to one of Fundy’s pawns.

“Blunder,” Fundy sing-songed, cackling at Skeppy’s loud curse as he checkmated Skeppy’s Queen, again. 

“Oh, I hate you so much.”

For what might be the third time that day, Wilbur was regretting being the one to fight in the Cloud Battles.

He cursed as he collided with the floor again. Cloud Flames flared from his hands and through his body as it propagated the healing rate of his injuries. He swung his sword, and it slid through the robot’s arm, leaving a thin line in it. Wilbur’s lips curled in displeasure as he hopped back.

He wanted to play with the robot at first, but now this was just getting annoying.

By chance, he looked up at the spectator’s area, and saw Iemitsu standing there. A frown was on his face, and he was watching him fight. In fact, he almost looked disappointed, as if he had any right to be disappointed. 

Just seeing his face made Wilbur angry, so when the robot swiped at him again, he clung onto its arm with a free hand, and with the other, swung his sword at its head. With his free legs, he kicked at its body, and didn’t stop kicking and swinging until it eventually fell over. Then, he jabbed his sword straight into its body, until it completely stopped moving.

“Fuck you,” Wilbur said vindictively, both to the robot and his ‘father’. He jabbed the sword into the robot one more time, just in case. “Good riddance.”

“So,” Fundy said cheerfully, when they had all met back up. They had originally planned to meet at someone’s house, but they ended up meeting in Tommy’s hospital room. “How did your matches go? Because me and Skeppy just ended up playing chess until I won, then I took the ring and got back to my area, and I won!”

“I lost against Lussuria, but it was a close match,” Niki laughed quietly. “Although, I don’t think my loss matters much, since all of you must’ve won. We did agree to visit a cafe together soon, so there is that. And Lussuria was also more injured than me, so I did get that win.”

“Mammon’s definitely fit to be an Arcobaleno,” Eret grimaced, remembering the plants and the tentacles. “I lost. But honestly, it was to be expected. Besides, I did learn a lot about using Mist Flames by watching them fight me.” 

“I beat Xanxus’ ass,” Tommy said, his speech slightly slurring from the anaesthesia pumped into him before the doctors snapped his bones back into place. “He was a bitch about it too, broke my fuckin’ bones and shit.”

“Don’t worry, I was assured by Phil that he was currently having a nice talk with him,” Wilbur said, running a hand through Tommy’s hair soothingly. “And for the record, I beat the _fuck_ out of that stupid robot.”

“Cool,” Jack nodded. “I think I almost murdered Leviathan, or whatever his name was. The Cervello had to pull him away.”

“And you didn’t get hurt?” Eret eyed Jack’s pristine shape. There wasn’t even a speck of dust on his clothes.

“What can I say, I’m just that badass,” Jack shrugged.

“I won against Squalo!” Tubbo announced cheerfully. “I think he’s scared of me now!”

“Oh, are you fuckin’ kidding me,” Tommy grumbled, from his place on the hospital bed. “ _How_?”

“Nukes!” Tubbo exclaimed with a bright smile.

There was a moment of silence, before Eret coughed. “So, this may be a bad time, but I may have shoved the Vongola rings into a pocket dimension. I genuinely have no idea where or how they got those rings.”

“Well, that’s their problem, not ours,” Fundy responded. “But I kind of wonder what the others are doing. I haven’t seen them in a while…”

“Not what you expected, huh, di Vongola?” Alyssa said mockingly, to the group of mafioso standing and reviewing the security footage of the fights. “Haven’t been keeping tabs, have you?”

“Don’t taunt them, Aly- I mean, Chrome,” Sam sighed, placing a hand on her arm.

“Do not speak to him like that!” someone — probably just a random subordinate — said with a snarl. In response, all of the ‘bodyguards’ collectively rolled their eyes.

“This sucks,” George complained. “I’m bored. Even doing the whole DDC business is better than _this_.”

“Ooh, look at me, I am Timotheo di Vongola, and I’m a shitty old man who can’t raise his kids,” Sapnap mocked, and they all joined.

The mafioso tried to ignore them, and some even dared to shoot, but their group simply ignored or dodged the bullets, like they were nothing but flies, unimportant and barely worth paying attention to.

“Why are you like this, why are they in contact with the heir,” someone muttered. Unfortunately for them, Dream heard, because he started snickering.

“Because God has let us live for another day, and we are going to make that personally your problem.” Dream chirped, his tone unusually chipper for such menacing words. “Now, you will excuse us, di Vongola, and we’ll bid you adieu. Until next time.”

And with those last words, the group all started walking down, leaving the Vongola behind as they chatted lightly.

Reborn glared at HBomb, who didn’t even flinch. “Control them.”

“I’m not their leader,” HBomb shrugged. “They do what they want to do. And honestly? They aren’t hurting anyone. It’s fine.”

“Debatable,” Reborn responded dryly, eyeing the Vongola. “But I suppose you’re correct.”

“Don Millefiore. Donna Giglio Nero. Pleasure to meet you. Just call me Lancia.”

Schlatt strolled into the meeting room, casually carrying the two briefcases with him, as Karl and Quackity followed him, both looking around the room in wariness and slight confusion. He sat down, and motioned for the other two to sit down besides him.

On the other side of the table, Byakuran continued eating a marshmallow lazily, as Yuni dipped her head in a greeting, a soft smile on her face. They were both surrounded by guards.

“Lancia,” she said. “Pleasure to meet you too.”

“It’s quite cocky of you to only bring two guards to this meeting, isn’t it?” Byakuran pointed out.

“But aren’t you the one eating marshmallows and sitting like you’re gonna let your guards bend you over the table?” Quackity pointed out, surprisingly not laughing despite what he had just said.

Karl choked on his laughter as Schlatt chuckled softly. Yuni smiled in amusement, as Byakuran’s face turned amusingly red.

“Yes, yes,” he gritted out, sitting in a more formal position, putting his marshmallow bag aside for now. “Let’s get to the point of this meeting, shall we? You are wasting our time, Lancia.”

“Maybe,” Schlatt shrugged. “But sure. Karl, open the briefcases, but don’t show them yet.”

Karl opened the briefcases, and his mouth fell open when he realised what was in them. “Dude, you brought these?”

“A little persuasion,” Schlatt drawled. “Don Millefiore, Donna Giglio Nero, how would you feel for an alliance? A truce, if you will.”

“I mean no disrespect, but what could you provide?” Yuni smiled innocently, despite her scathing words. “You’re a hitman, Lancia. Me and Byakuran are both leaders of our respective Famiglias. What could you possibly offer us that we wouldn’t be able to get?”

“Turn the briefcases.”

Karl did just that, and Yuni’s eyes widened. Byakuran was also staring at the briefcase’s contents in interest and a slight hint of shock.

“Schlatt, you motherfucker,” Quackity breathed out from awe more than fear. “What the- you planned this with Dream, didn’t you?”

Schlatt smirked, and that was answer enough.

“In exchange for an alliance and resources when we need them,” Schlatt gestured to the briefcases. “We’ll provide you with information about the Arcobaleno curse, Checkerface, and the ability to take over the world.”

**Author's Note:**

> Alright *cracks knuckles* time for characters. You can skip this list if you want. brackets are non-genderbent names. Here, based on first appearance!!:
> 
> Wilbur Soot: Sawada Tsunayoshi  
> Dream: Yamamoto Takeshi  
> TommyInnit: Kurokawa Haru (Hana)  
> Tubbo: Sasagawa Kyoto (Kyoko)  
> Technoblade: Hibari Kyouya  
> Philza: Sasagawa Ryouhei  
> BadBoyHalo: Blanche (Bianchi)  
> Nihachu: Gokudera Hanabi (Hayato)  
> Skeppy: Belphegor  
> ItsAlyssa: Chrome Dokuro  
> Callahan: Kakimoto Chikusa  
> Awesamdude: Emmem (M.M)  
> Punz: Rokudo Mukuro  
> DropsByPonk: Joshima Ken  
> ItsFundy: Fran  
> The_Eret: Basil  
> KarlJacobs: Miura Hatsu (Haru)  
> GeorgeNotFound: Irie Shoichi  
> Sapnap: Spanner  
> HBomb92: Dino Cavallone  
> Antfrost: Fuuta  
> Quackity: Oregano  
> Jack Manifold: Gamma  
> Jschlatt: Lancia  
> Purpled: I-pin
> 
> Okay thank you bye-


End file.
